“You were letting them sit there and attack you! What was I supposed to do?”
“Oh for fuck’s sake, they weren’t attacking me. They were being annoying, sure, but they would have stopped eventually?—”
“How do you know that? It seemed like they were just going to keep pressing and pressing until you probably agreed to sign in blood with Mike Cockbag or whatever just to make them happy!”
“Do you even hear yourself? You’re jumping to these insane conclusions and not even listening to me. I know my family. I would have calmed them down and been able to tell them in my own way like I’d planned if you had stayed out of it. Now everyone is either upset or pissed, and it’s your fault.”
“How is it my fault?” Theo cried. “I was only telling them the truth because you refused to.”
“It wasn’t your truth to tell! How do you not get that?” I stormed. Theo shrank back, but I was too angry to care. “Do you really not see how you were tonight? You were talking so fast, it was like you were on speed and you completely ignored me and everyone else who tried to chill you out. Then you pulled that crap with Dad and Gramps and made things harder for me, not better. God, I knew—I fuckingknewthat this would happen when you started skipping pills.”
“Knew what would happen?”
“That you’d go fucking crazy again!”
My heart lurched to a stop when the words clicked in my head and I saw Theo pale. His face went blank, all emotion wiped from his features as he retreated into himself.
“Wait, I didn’t mean that…” I started, but Theo shook his head. Anguish tore through me as he stepped away from me.
“I’m sorry, Mercury,” he mumbled, his gaze meeting mine for one heartbreaking moment before he walked away. I heard the front door close a few beats later and I steadied myself, unable to worry about fixing things with him right now. I needed to smooth things over with Dad first.
I made my way up the stairs towards his office and tried to ignore the twisting, queasy feeling in my gut that only grew with every step I took farther down the hall and away from Theo.
Chapter 36
Theo
Iknew it.
I knew I’d ruin everything.
I always do.
It’s my fault…I shouldn’t have done it. Shouldn’t have stopped my pills. But I didn’t stop. I didn’t stop them completely but I still messed it up. I mess everything up.
I’m a mess. That’s all I am. Dawson is better without me.
But he loves me. He loves me and I don’t know why. Does he still love me? What if I ruined that too?
Maybe he’ll love me again someday.
Someday he’ll understand.
Someday he’ll see that loving him means setting him free.
Set him free—be free—be brave—you aren’t brave—you aren’t anything—you’re nothing—you’re wrong…
Everything is wrong.
But soon it won’t be. I’ll make it right.
I’ll make it right and he’ll be free.
He’ll forgive me.
He’ll remember he loved me.
Someday.
