Theo stopped the frenzied rhythm without removing his hand from my cock. His eyes were wild and hazy as he stared at me in confusion.
“Why do you want to stop? Am I doing something wrong?”
I struggled to find the right words. “No, it’s just—you don’t seem like yourself.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know. It’s like…you’re not really here or something. Your touch feels different somehow…”
Theo released me with a scoff, spreading his arms wide. “What do you want from me? You were hurt when I had no sex drive, but now it’s finally back and you’re still not happy? I’meither too much or not enough again, huh? This is as good as it gets right now, so please tell me what you want from me!”
I gaped at yet another rapid turn in his mood, but what shook me the most was the distress in his voice. My gut sank and I felt as though I was watching him come apart at the seams, helpless to stop it. I couldn’t form words as too many things hit me all at once. Fear, worry, sadness, and confusion all grappled in my chest and stalled every response I could think of in my throat.
Theo watched me expectantly, chest heaving and his fingers twitching at his sides. When all I could do was stammer quietly, irritation and disappointment lined his features.
“Forget it,” he muttered. He brushed by me and my heart splintered the tiniest bit. I knew he wasn’t walking away for good, but that fear of being abandoned welled up from the pits of my mind where I’d worked hard to bury it. But I didn’t stop him. I just stood there, caught between wanting to go to him and knowing it wouldn’t even make a difference if I did.
I stayedat Neverland until the sun sank behind the trees and the air turned chilly. I drove back slowly, lost in thoughts of Theo and the conflicting signs I’d seen the last few days. I was rudderless and baffled without a single clue what to do to help him or even knowing if that was possible anymore.
I slipped in through the back door and snuck past the living room where I could hear the family watching some loud action film. As I reached the first step, I startled at Mom’s soft voice behind me.
“How is he doing?”
I blew out a sharp exhale through my nostrils, my eyes squeezing shut against the small headache forming.
“I honestly don’t know. Every time I think he’s getting somewhere with his treatment and doing well, something happens that drags him right back down. And now, he’s acting weird again and I can’t shake the feeling that something is really wrong.”
She reached out and ran a soothing hand up and down my arm, coaxing my gaze to hers. Once I did, the dam inside broke and cold tears slid down my cheeks.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m scared, Mom…”
Her arms came around my shoulders and I gave into the comfort her embrace brought me. It was a tiny reprieve to set down the weight that I was buckling under. I wondered if I was ever able to bring that sense of relief to Theo when he was this close to crumbling.
“I know you are, honey. But I have faith in you two. What defines a relationship is how well you both deal with the trouble that comes your way because it will always come. You and Theo love each other so much and you have what it takes to get through this.”
“What if that’s not enough?” I whispered despondently. She pulled back to cup my cheeks and keep my eyes on her.
“Love alone may not be enough, but it’s what gives you the strength and determination to get through the hardest times. The deeper the love, the more willing you are to fight through anything and everything to make it work. So how much do you love Theo?”
Sweeping music rushed through my head as I thought about Theo and how completely he possessed my heart. Every emotion within me transposed into a melody that flooded my soul, a refrain of devotion that echoed in my chest. It was an anthem of a love without end, without borders. Ceaseless and all-consuming.
Mom smiled and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “You don’t even have to say it. As long as you feel it, that’s what matters.”
She headed back to the living room and I trudged slowly upstairs. I was barely aware as I showered and got ready for bed. I slid under the covers, an ache expanding in my chest as I wished I had Theo by my side. I fired off a quick text to him since I knew I wouldn’t sleep otherwise.
ME
I love you
We’d already lost four years of “I love you’s” and I’d be damned if I wasted one more day without saying those three words. Theo’s bipolar disorder tricked him enough, so I wouldn’t give it any reason to make him doubt my love for him.
I wasn’t sure how long I’d been out when I was jostled awake by the bed dipping behind me. Panic spiked for only a second before I breathed in the alluring scent of citrus and cedar. My heart hammered away for a whole new reason when Theo’s arm wound around me, pulling my back into his sculpted chest.
Tears pricked at my lash line as he started trailing warm kisses across my bare shoulder and I sank into his touch. I reached for the hand he rested on my pec, linking our fingers and pressing them firmly above my thudding heart. I could feel the puffs of air on my skin as he whispered something repeatedly between kisses.
I’m sorry…I love you…I’m sorry…
The words severed the last, fraying thread holding me back and I flipped around to face him, my lips finding his in the dark. Theo explored my mouth with a slow, deep passion that bordered on worship. He stripped us both unhurriedly, cherishing my body with his hands and mouth until I begged him to take me.
