“I won’t waste your time on sorries, even though I am—I’m so fucking sorry—because actions mean more than words. Right now, this is all I have of you. I collected all these private memories selfishly because I knew I didn’t deserve you. This summer was a beautiful dream. Deep down, I knew you’d leave one day, and all I’d have left would be these pictures I stole.” They were on the beach now—the skyscrapers towering behind them—and finally a shot with Kieran. He held the camera in selfie mode, a soft smile tugging at his lips and Lily peppering his cheek with kisses.
He looked happy. Weightless. Hadn’t it been real, even if only for a little while? Lily rested her elbows on the island and leaned forward, captivated by the screen.
“This summer was the best summer of my life, and I wasted so much of it terrified someone would steal you away. In the end, no one did. I chased you off myself.”
They were on the dock, the light of his cell phone the only illumination on their faces. She cuddled in close, grinning, then dazzling lights broke somewhere offscreen and bathed them in vibrant reds and oranges.
“You said you like yourself, and you wouldn’t let me ruin that. Lily, you have every reason to like yourself. You are kind and clever.Radiant and enchanting. Your capacity to care for and empathize with others is as rare as it is beautiful.”
The scene switched to Mackinac Island. She walked along the shore, the wind slipping through her hair, dipping and scooping up rocks from the shallow waves.
“The truth of it is this—while you were falling in love with life, I was falling in love with you.”
A tightness clogged her throat. Her hands trembled around the phone.
They were at the wedding, and she was leaning into what she’d thought then was another selfie—grinning at the camera like the lovestruck idiot she was. Kieran grinned right back, his smile the widest she’d ever seen, then he turned and kissed her just behind the ear.
“I fell in love with the way you steal my leg and tuck it between yours for comfort when you sleep. I fell in love with your loud, unapologetic laugh and your cheesy dance moves, especially how you bounce when eating your favorite food. I love how brave you are. I love the way you’ve decided you deserve a good life, and you’re willing to fight for it—not just for yourself. You talked about our future, and Danny was there, too, right along with our kids. Do you have any idea what that means to me? That you’d love him, just like that?”
He must have taken the final shot when he stopped for gas or something, on the way up to the wedding. She was curled up in the back seat of his Jeep fast asleep. Danny snoozed against her side with his lanky legs drawn up to his chest. Her arm draped over him kept him rooted on the bench.
“You asked about my past and my future, and I meant it when I said I’d never given it much thought. Everything I’ve done since returning to Chicago has been about Danny. He deserves a life I couldn’t have. Once he moves out, I don’t know what comes next. I’ve never bothered planning a future. When you’re stuck in survival mode, anything other than the now is a pipe dream. And that’s why I said I can’thave a future with you. I don’t know how else to be. This is what I’ve always done, and I’m terrified of losing everyone. I only know how to fight. It’s all I’m good at. It’s how I provide for my family.”
The focus of the camera wobbled. There was the wood grain of a table, then the dark wrinkles of a shirt. Kieran came into view as he stepped back from the camera and dropped onto his couch. Several days’ worth of stubble darkened his handsome face and deep circles had set in around his eyes. At least she wasn’t the only one who couldn’t sleep.
He fidgeted with his hands, wringing them and twisting his fingers even though he kept his attention on the screen. It was like he was staring right at her.
“I should have fought for you.” There was no more voice over. This was Kieran. “I said I couldn’t put you first, but I’ve been an idiot thinking love is something you can win. I never considered it could be a tie.”
Warm tears slipped down her cheeks. She let them. Nothing could draw her away from his confession.
“You walked through that door in May and wrecked my life in the best of ways. I used to wake up and know exactly what I was gonna do each day. You made me think further than tomorrow. You showed me how to really care for Danny and respect him. You made mewant. I’ve never wanted before. Wanting is messy. Wanting leads to disappointment.”
Lily sniffled and nodded, as if she was sitting right across from him, hearing his words the moment they left his lips.
“I want the future you planned, Princess. I want to do more than survive. I want to live.” He closed his fist over his heart. “Maybe you have no reason to trust me, but I did mean every word I said at the wedding. I want a life with you. I want a family with you. And I should have said it back Sunday night. I love you. Lily, I love you. And, if you’re willing to give me another chance, I promise to spend the rest of my days showing you just how much I fucking mean it. And—and maybe love isn’t enough. But you’re enough. You’re everything. And I’m ready to do anything for you. I promise.”
All sound seemed to have been sucked from the room. The silence buzzed in her ears, echoing and vast. She darkened the phone. If Kieran’s video played again, she’d lose it. The quiet tears would succumb to a sobbing mess. She released a shuddering breath and swiped her fingers under her eyes.
“Lily?” Natalia inched forward and covered Lily’s hand with hers. “Are you okay?”
She swallowed heavily and shook her head. “No. No, I’m not.” She handed the phone back to Natalia and tugged on the hem of her dress, straightening it. “I need to get to the gym.”
* * *
They left Jack and the boys at Alex’s apartment and headed across the river. Riverside Gym was abuzz with noise. From the moment they entered through the front doors, sound slammed into them. Cheering echoed not only down the halls and into the front lobby but spilled out from every TV displaying the match above the treadmills and weight machines. On the screen, Herrera and another fighter Lily didn’t know circled one another. Each was already bleeding, and they kept their distance, testing one another with a reaching jab before hopping out of arm’s reach.
Lily’s chest contracted, and she squeezed Natalia’s hand in hers. “What if he’s already lost? Or been hurt?”
“We won’t know until we find your team.” Natalia threaded her fingers through Lily’s and tugged, leading her further within Riverside.
Roger had more money than God, and it showed in his gym. His training rooms with the Octagons were set up as if hosting large tournaments had always been his intention. Those sponsorships Neal wanted to keep South Side alive?They were tacked up along the walls of Riverside and branded into the floor of the cage.
Tall bleachers stuffed with fans circled the Octagon. Some lucky fans who’d surely paid a pretty penny were even on the floor, mere meters away from the fight, held back only by the rope separating the crowd from the fighters’ crews. But the South Siders weren’t there. Standing alone near the front, surrounded by other flashing cameras and media members, was Maeve. She tracked the fight with her phone, capturing every moment.
She must be running the Live.
Lily shouldered through the crowd and didn’t stop until she stood between Maeve and the fight.
