“Okay.” She tucked her hair behind her ears and settled her hands in her lap. “What do you want to talk about?”
The inside of the Jeep seemed to shrink as he sucked in a breath. In his lap, he clenched his fists. “That…future you talked about. Your twenty-year dream. That’s all it is, Lily. A dream. I can’t be that man for you.”
Static buzzed in her ears. A slow, deep pain started in her heart and dropped. Falling, falling, but never catching. Lilyswallowed heavily and wet her lips. “If I went too far, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to say our future had to be perfect, just that—”
“No, Lily.” He cut her off with a sigh. “I mean all of it. You and me. We don’t have a future.”
His words shocked her more than cliff-diving into northern Lake Michigan’s bone-chilling waters. Where was the man who’d leaped when she said she’d marry him? Where was the man who’d fallen asleep with his cock still buried inside her? “Okay, where’s this coming from?” She forced herself to stay calm. Slow, steady breaths in through her nose.
He tilted his head away, looking toward the door. Was he ashamed?
“You saw what kind of man Brennan is, okay? And you’ve seen me with Danny. I can’t even protect him from our piece-of-shit father. I’m never gonna be a good dad. You deserve more than I can give you.”
This she knew. Insecurity. A knot in her belly loosened, and she grabbed one of his hands in hers. “Kieran, youarea good man. Whatever you’re scared of, we can work through it together. I meant it when I said I’d protect you.”
“Yeah, well, who protects you?” He spun around, finally facing her. Anger flashed in his dark eyes. “I’m never going to put you first. Don’t you get it? I owe my life to Neal and that gym. I’ve got Danny and Saoirse. I can’t even keep my baby sister safe on her fucking wedding day. I can’t protect you from my fucked-up life.” He took a deep breath, his nostrils flaring. “You should call Roger. Get a job up at Riverside. You have a shot at a good life, Lily. Don’t waste it on an asshole like me.”
She blinked rapidly and glanced at their joined hands. He hadn’t torn himself away. Despite his words, he was still holding on. Her tongue darted out, wetting her lips. “But I’m in love with you.”
She held his gaze with her own ferocity, daring him to look away. He squeezed her hand. For one beat. Two. He opened his mouth as if to speak but closed it with a curse. He dropped her hand and threw his gaze out the front windshield. “Love isn’t enough.”
The words echoed around in her head. She’d heard them so often, said sagely by both her therapist and Natalia when explaining why she and Vovik could never work.Love isn’t enough.Because a relationship took work. It took sacrifice. Love couldn’t save someone from abuse or addiction.
Or depression.
A wave of calm washed over her. Her edges tingled with numbness and her heart thundered in her chest, but her head was clear. “Okay.”
Kieran glanced her way. Confusion raised his brows. “Okay?”
“Yeah. Okay.” Lily grabbed her duffel bag from her feet and slipped the strap over her shoulder. “I didn’t spend a year working on myself so I could sit here and beg you to love me. I like me. I’m not gonna let you ruin that. If I’m not worth it to you, fine. I won’t waste any more of your time.”
She opened the door and stepped out onto the sidewalk. Surely he’d reach out—grab her arm. Take it all back and ask her to stay. It couldn’t end like this. Not with everything they’d shared. He wouldn’t walk away.
But the Jeep shifted into gear, and Kieran pulled out onto the street.
Lily’s knees wobbled, but she didn’t fall down. No, she was a runner, and it had made her strong. She sucked in quick, successive breaths, desperate to quell the hiccups rising in her chest.
Yesterday, her heart had built roads and erected monuments in devotion to a future with Kieran.
Today, he burned that future to the ground.
ChapterThirty-Two
Love wasn’t enough.
The words haunted him through the evening and into the night. They were his first thought after tossing and turning into the early-morning hours. They were on repeat when he got a call from Shauna on the way to work, letting him know that Brennan had been caught in a motel, surrounded by empty bottles and gas station food wrappers. All the Visa gift cards had been spent, but he hadn’t had enough time to trade away the store and restaurant cards. The police took care of him, and after that Kieran didn’t give a shit. Brennan could rot in jail for all he cared.
Further proof that he was right to let Lily go. She’d be safer this way.
“Sullivan.” Neal’s voice boomed across the gym. “My office.”
Kieran finished re-racking the free weights someone had left scattered and followed Neal into the small room.
Neal closed the door behind him. “Saw you come in late this morning. Everything alright?”
“Yeah, just family stuff.” He wasn’t going to explain further,but Neal pinned him with an expectant look. Family stuff meant it was Neal’s business, too. “Brennan made an appearance at Shauna’s wedding and fucked shit up as usual. Shauna called with info from the police.”
The older man grimaced. “Sorry to hear that.”
