Closing her eyes, she blew a slow breath out through her mouth. On the inhale, she rolled her shoulders back andcounted to ten until her nails unfurled from her palms. Eyes open, she flashed Kieran her most playful smile.
“Sorry, that’s a big-deal story. Like, not even close to a second-date story. More of a six-month-anniversary story.”
He lifted his left hand to the top of the wheel and with his right pointed at the phone in her lap. “There’re theories on Hit It we’re secretly married and pretending we barely know one another for clout. So come on, wifey. You show me yours, and I’ll show you mine.”
Lily sucked her teeth into a pout and scowled down at her phone. For someone who claimed to hate social media, he knew a lot about what happened there.
The memory of their shower unfurled behind her eyes. The way the water had slipped between every notch of muscle. The heat of his body beneath her touch. The puckered, rumpled skin of a stitched-up slash across his side near his ribs. He wanted her to be vulnerable.You first.
“Tell me about the scar on your torso.”
His mouth tightened, and his jaw worked back and forth, chewing the unspoken words. All emotion left his face. Eyes blank and trained on the road. He could have been a ghost.
“I got into a fistfight with my pops when I turned eighteen. Figured I was grown and could take him on. We had this junker in the front yard that he’d been ripping parts out of and selling for drug money and shit. I kicked his tweaker ass, but he shoved me against a jagged part of the car. I had to get stitches and a tetanus shot. Didn’t have insurance, but Neal helped me out. Mom chose Dad. Told me never to come back, and Neal took me in.”
The blood drained from Lily’s face. Her hand shot out, grabbing his. “I’m so sorry.”
His own mother chose his abuser over him? She knew all too well the pain of that betrayal, but it wouldn’t be whatshe’d want for Kieran or for Danny. Mothers were meant to choose their children.
Kieran’s hand closed around hers, and he squeezed, encouraging her. “Your turn.”
Lily swallowed and her tongue darted out, wetting her lips. There were a thousand different ways to say it. Dress it up all pretty and make it out to be less than it was. Give in to the truth and say the words she’d only ever whispered in her head as those memories rolled out on repeat behind her eyelids. Or dissociate. Take away the pain of it all. Like how she’d told her therapist. All facts, no tears.
“My stepfather wasn’t a good man. Or even a decent one. And um. There was a lot my mom let him get away with. When I was seventeen, he tri—” The words hardened in her throat, unwilling to be uttered even after all the years that had passed.
Kieran’s thumb stroked over her hand. “It’s okay. Did you get away?”
She nodded and glanced at their clasped hands. Maybe he would understand. Given everything that happened with his own mother, maybe he wouldn’t ask her,Why?
“I got away. And I ran straight to Vovik. His family took me in. And I was safe. For a while, at least.”
“Vovik.” Kieran said the name slowly, as if testing for poison on his tongue. “The guy you wanted to marry?”
Wanted to? Hell, promised to. She’d worn the ring and set a date.
“Yep.”
Kieran traded their cupped hands for threaded fingers and clamped their hands against his thigh. The mesh of his gym shorts tickled her arm. His breath was deep and steady. Measured. “And when did he first hit you?”
Ice froze in Lily’s chest and sank, shattering into shardswithin her belly. She whipped back, facing Kieran. Those dark eyes didn’t waver from the road. His hand squeezed hers again.
She nibbled her lip, wishing she could quell the violent rolling of her stomach. “Who says he did?”
“Your body language did when Sebastián grabbed your arm at the party. Your body expected him to hurt you, and you reacted the way whoever taught you self-defense showed you how to react.”
He’d known for a while then. Before they went to lunch. Before they’d ever kissed. She glanced out the window, watching the flat plains of Illinois roll by. “It wasn’t until college. We’d left his family home and, just…” She shrugged. “He owned everything. The car. The apartment. The bank account. I couldn’t have left him if I’d wanted to and…I didn’t want to. I loved him, more than I loved myself.”
She dared a glance at him. Kieran’s chest expanded and shrank with deep, trembling breaths. His nostrils flared outward, and his grip on the wheel turned white.
She tugged their joined hands upward and nuzzled the back of his hand. His scent was calm and familiar—like the crisp coolness of a winter sky just before snow.
“Kieran.” His hand flexed in hers when she called his name. “Talk to me.”
His jaw clenched and churned. “Are you safe?”
“Yes.” She kissed the back of his hand.
“And would you tell me if you weren’t?”
