For Lily, it wasn’t that easy. On her back, the sun penetrated her eyelids. On her belly, she craned her neck from side to side and ended up with a permanent ache. If tanning was a skill, it was one she lacked.
She sat up, shivering when the wind caressed her bare shoulders. “I’m tapping out.” Standing, she padded over to their pile of clothes and tugged on her tee. “First week of June is too early for tanning.”
“If you want nice tan lines by the Fourth of July, the first week of June is theperfecttime for sunbathing.”
“What does it matter?” Lily grumbled and collapsed into a padded lounger. “No one is checking out my tan lines or lack thereof, anyway.”
Natalia shrugged and opened one eye. “Maybe that’s part of the reason you’re getting all hot and bothered about That Gym Guy. You need a good lay.”
Heat flooded Lily’s face. “I am not hot and bothered by Kieran.”
“Really?” Alex asked from his prone position atop his beach towel. “I saw the first video last Friday and the two you’ve posted since then. I’d let him blow my back out.”
You and the rest of the internet.Lily sighed and glanced at her friends. Alex lay on his belly, one cheek resting on his towel and one hand stretched above his head, caressing the thigh of his boyfriend—Ilya—who reclined against their cooler with a book propped open in one hand and the other stroking Alex’s dark hair.
They were a handsome couple. Both of European descent with gray eyes and easy smiles. Where Alex’s hair was black, Ilya’s was almost platinum. Alex had freckles; Ilya was clear skinned. And where Alex was just a pinch taller than Lily, Ilya towered over them all at almost six and a half feet.
Frightening height ran in his family.
Lily lay back and closed her eyes, blocking out the radiant sun and her treacherous memories.
“What month are we on?”
Footsteps approached, followed by an added weight on herlounger. When she squinted open one eye, Ilya’s concerned gaze peered at her under furrowed brows.
“Nine?”
She wet her lips. “Ten.”
Alex let out a low whistle and propped himself up on his elbows. “Time flies, eh?”
Lily frowned. It did but also didn’t. At first, time stood still. Every hour was a fight not to break down and give in. Pack it up and go home. But bit by bit, as she picked up jobs and traded Natalia’s couch for her own apartment, the idea of home faded.
At ten months out from the day her life exploded, nothing felt like home. Not Chicago. Not her apartment. Not even her friends’ loving comfort.
She locked eyes with Ilya, observing him. In some ways, the sight of him made her heart sink. Her cousin who should have been. The last of the Flavians who would acknowledge her existence. But his presence also made her heart still. Yes, she’d lost a lot—but not everything. “How’s Vov?”
Ilya hesitated, and he and Alex shared a meaningful look.
“Lily,” Ilya chided, “you said you didn’t want to know about him.”
She swallowed and wrung her hands—her fingers twisting around her ring finger in a phantom touch. “I know. And I don’t. But just…remind me it was worth it.”
Ilya stared out across the city. “He’s MyBook official with that girl. You know I don’t talk to that side of my family anymore, but a mutual friend posted some photos from a baby shower and uh, it looks like they’re having a boy.”
“Oh.” Lily couldn’t help the way her voice bent and broke around the single syllable.
A son? He’d always wanted one. Maybe if she’d stayed…
A deep longing and regret sank in her belly, threatening to drown her in the memory of what could have been. She suckedin a breath and blew it out through her teeth. She couldn’t blink. Wouldn’t. She’d promised herself months ago she was finished crying tears for Vladimir Vladimirovich Flavian.
Vovik.
“Fuck him.” Alex kneeled before Lily and, draping his torso over hers, peppered every inch of skin he could reach with kisses. “He never deserved you. The day you left him was the best day of my life.”
“That’s pretty sad. You must not have had many good days.” Her chest hiccupped, and Alex squeezed her tighter, nuzzling her tears away before they could fall.
The soft footfall of Natalia padded nearby, and soon another mass of body heat kneeled beside Lily and surrounded her. “I know you and your therapist agreed taking a year off would be good—that you need to get to know yourself—but, Lily, this all or nothing routine can’t be good for you.” Nat squeezed her arm, seeping warmth and love into her veins. “I said the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, and I stand by it.”
