The other guy quickly stands up and stutters, “S-sorry, man,” before rushing off.
The one touching Sophia pulls his hands back and stands, raising them in a defensive gesture. “Didn’t mean anything by it,” he pleads, then follows his friend.
Xander takes the empty seat, looking at Sophia. “You okay?”
She nods, but her body language says otherwise. “Yeah, thanks.”
“Why didn’t you push him away, Sophia?” I ask, frowning.
She shrugs. “I froze. I thought that by telling him no, he would back off, avoiding a scene.”
Xander gives me a pack of fries and places one in front of Sophia.
“What do you mean you froze?” I ask, still worried.
At work, she seems comfortable enough to speak up. But then again, it is only with her brother and Clay.
“I just… I’m not good with all the dating stuff,” she admits.
“Sophia, that wasn’t dating stuff. That was?—”
She interrupts, taking a deep breath. “I know what you’re getting at, Lina. But it’s more than that. It’s all part of a bigger issue.”
I’m puzzled. “What do you mean?”
Sophia hesitates, playing with her fries before finally saying, “I’m asexual. I don’t experience sexual attraction to men, women… not to anyone. I’ve tried. Went on dates, kissed, even had sex. It just doesn’t do anything for me. So, in situations likethis, I don’t know how to react, how to actnormal, and the last thing I want is a scene.”
My eyes widen, “Oh, I just assumed because of what Clay said… the talk about the kissing…”
Sophia offers a weak smile. “I’m still figuring things out, and I haven’t really come out about it, so I just go along. It’s not a priority. I don’t think the others have realized, except for him.” She gestures to Xander, who just gives a small nod. “Everyone seems to expect and pressure me to find a lover or boyfriend. I understand love is wonderful for many, but it’s not the same for me, not in the way most people talk about it.”
“You should be yourself, Sophia. No one should make you feel like you have to be a certain way,” Xander consoles.
“That is what’s bothering me. I want to focus on my career, my family, and my friends without always being asked or hinted at about when I’ll settle down with a man or start a family. I wish people would get that I’m happy just the way I am and leave me in peace,” she shares.
I reach over and place my hand over hers. “I’m sorry for not realizing and just assuming. Just know from now on, I’ve got your back.”
Sophia smiles. “Thank you. That means a lot.”
Xander smirks and says teasingly, “As long as you don’t mind third-wheeling with Carolina and me, we’re all good.”
I give him a frown. “You’re the one who’s third-wheeling on our girls’ day.”
Sophia laughs, nearly choking on a fry, making me chuckle too.
NINETEEN
Fuck,I didn’t think this through.
Sophia has already ventured into the indoor pool area, and the inviting sounds of water and laughter reach my ears as I remain in the changing rooms, staring at my reflection in the harshly lit mirror. In this unforgiving light, all I can see are my big thighs, the stretch marks that adorn them, and the cellulite that has always made me self-conscious. Everything I typically keep hidden beneath layers of clothing is now exposed, laid bare for anyone to see. To make matters worse, the ceiling lights in this facility are far from flattering, casting every imperfection in stark relief.
Xander and Joshua wanted to do some laps, while Clay and Sophia talked about hanging out in the hot tub area where there are seats with jets and some rain showers that massage your back. It all sounds amazing, and I wouldn’t be able to wait to join them if the problem with the nearly-no-clothes issue wasn’t holding me back.
Standing here with a towel wrapped around my stomach, my hair coiled into a messy bun atop my head, and a makeup-free face, I inhale deeply. The knowledge that I must leave before someone, likely Sophia, comes back and discovers my stallinglingers in the back of my mind. But I’m struggling too much to keep myself together to care.
Come on, Lina, get a fucking grip.
Considering all I’ve faced in my life, wearing a bathing suit in public can’t possibly be the end of the world, can it?
