Lifting my left fist, I unfurl the fingers.Beneath the dried blood, beneath the remnants of this night, the letter A remains.
She goes entirely still.
“You want to know what this A stands for?”I ask, bringing my palm closer to her face.“It’s foralive, because I finally feel that way when I am with you.”
Her lips part.
“It’s foraddiction, because I’ll never escape your withdrawal.”
More tears in the silence between words.
“It’s forangel, because that is what you are to me.”
She tries to look away, but I don’t let her.I keep my hand, that letter A, directly in her view.
“It’s for Aurora.Your name.You,” I rasp.“Because it’s always fucking been you, Aurora.It’s always, only been you.”
“What are you saying?”Her question is barely a wisp of sound.
“I’m saying that I love you.I’ve loved you for fucking years.I just never had a name for it until now.”I shake my head at myself, my own goddamn stupidity.“I should have fucking known.Nobody else sent me to New York on your wedding night.I sent myself.It wasn’t for Elio.It wasn’t about Buffalo.I didn’t even know about the provision in your papà’s will until after I’d taken you.”
“You…You came entirely on your own for me?”
“Yes.Because I couldn’t bear the thought of another man having you.I thought it would fucking kill me.”
Tension wracks her body, then suddenly releases.She collapses onto her side on the bed, shaking, crying.I loathe myself, seeing her like this, thinking that I’ve somehow managed to make this night even worse for her.
But then, she reaches for me.Her hand a white dove.A wing.
“Will you hold me?Please?”
My body begs me to do it.
“You said you don’t like men touching you,” I say instead, locking my muscles in stillness.“Now that I know why…”
“That doesn’t include you,” she says, firm with certainty.Then, softer, “Because it’s the same for me, Curse.It’s always been you.Only you.”
“Even now?”
“Even now.Accursio Giordano.Curse Titone.Maybe you’re different people.But, somehow, you’ve made me love you both.”
Something cracks in me.I don’t think it will mend until I put my arms around her.
“Touch me,” she whispers.
“My hands are covered in blood.”
Her lips curve into the tiniest, saddest smile.
“I know.”
I curl myself around her on the little bed.She sighs, buries her face in my chest, and like I’ve cast some kind of spell upon her, or maybe relieved her of something, broken a fucking curse, she instantly falls asleep.
I lie there for a long time.Just holding her.
Just loving her.
Chapter22
