“I needhim,” I say in response.
Curse’s hold on me tightens.
Maybe it’s the fact we’re holding hands.Maybe it’s something in my voice, on my face.A glimpse of soul-searing honesty.Because Curse has always been what I needed.Whichever version of him that exists.Whichever iteration he inhabits.Boy.Monster.Husband.
Lee appears to come to a decision.When he reaches forward, it’s not for the money, but the wedding license.
“Alright,” he says.“Come with me.”
Chapter14
Curse
Aurora doesn’t release my hand as we follow the minister into the next room.This space is much larger than the entryway we’ve just come from, lined with wooden pews.The aisle we are led down cushions our steps with old red carpeting.Ahead, a huge wooden cross hangs on the wall, hemmed in by big metal pipes on either side that must be part of some pipe organ system.
There’s no music, of course.No guests besides Robbie and Leo.That Tammy lady has made herself scarce.
“You may face each other here,” Lee says when we reach the end of the aisle.
Aurora and I turn towards each other, and I figure that now is the time to let go of her hand.But before I can do so, she captures my other hand in hers as well.Both my palms burn, like someone’s slapped them, even though Aurora’s touch is just as soft as the rest of her.
I barely pay attention to Lee’s words about commitment and devotion and achieving a deeper communion with God through marriage and each other.I’m too busy watching Aurora, tracing the shape of her face with my eyes, stroking down her cheeks, her neck, drowning in silver and blue.She appears calm.Composed.No hint of tears in those eyes.
There are dark rings beneath them, though.An indication of her fatigue, her stress, even if she’s managing to keep it together so far.
I never saw her marry Marco.I was stuck outside, waiting.I wonder if she wore a similar expression when marrying him.With similar darkness smudged beneath her eyes.I guess, at least that time, it was covered up in all that makeup.She isn’t wearing any now, her skin soft and pale, her blonde lashes bare, lips pink and a little chapped.I’m just thinking about what it might feel like to bite them when she speaks.
“I do.”
“And do you…” Lee pauses, waiting.
“Accursio Titone,” I supply, never taking my eyes from Aurora’s.
“Do you, Accursio Titone, take Aurora Bianchi to be your lawfully wedded wife, to cherish for this day and all days, in the holy empire of our lord?”
To cherish for this day and all days.We’ll only be married for thirty.
But what else will I do once she is gone?What else, besides worship at the spectacular altar of her from afar?What else, besides my constant shadowy vigil, while she walks, oblivious, in the light?
Cherish.The very word is like a caress.A feather across the back of my neck.
Two soft hands in mine.
“I do.”
I’m strangely winded by the words.Like my lungs have gone ahead and quit on me, now that I’ve finally spoken them aloud.My next inhale takes far more effort than it should.It leaves my throat feeling shredded.
“If you have rings, you may-”
Lee halts at the tiny shake of Aurora’s head.
“Ah.Very well.Then, if you choose to seal the ceremony with a kiss, you may do so now.”
Aurora looks like she’s about to shake her head again.And so she should.This wedding is probably the biggest fucking farce of her life.In some ways, I’m sure this one is even worse for her than her ceremony with Marco Messina.At least that marriage was meant to last longer than a fucking month.At least that one had guests, and flowers, and a nice fucking dress.
Did Marco kiss her?He must have.I can’t imagine him not doing it.Not at an event that fancy, with that many people watching.
My lungs are doing that fucked-up thing again.Seizing up like rusty machinery instead of living organs that have never fucking failed me before.
