At this point, I’m almost concerned that Grandma Millie might have been right and that if I keep making these stank faces, it’s going to get stuck like that. I gain hundreds of followers on my tattoo account a day and I haven’t posted regularly since I’ve been back in Fox Hole, but you don’t see me bragging about it.
Oh, to have the unmitigated audacity of a mediocre straight white man.
“Yes, I’ve seen your account. You post a lot of pictures of your Mustang.”
“She’s a beaut, isn’t she? Almost identical to the five-point-oh Vanilla Ice drove in the nineties.”
“I’m partial to the two 1965 Shelby Mustang GT-350s I have at home myself. But regardless, your online presence is very appealing to me. I like thatyou're on your way to being well-known in the space.”
God, James is good. The underhanded insults just keep coming. I wish I’d brought a mirror so I could see Earl squirming in his seat right now.
“I appreciate that, James.”
“You can call me Mr. Adler.”
Snort.
“Mr. Adler. My apologies. As I was saying, I appreciate that you notice my success as well as its compounding potential. I think that the two of us are going to work very well together.”
“Well, before we go making any handshake deals here, Earl?—”
“I thought I told you to call me the Earl.”
“Oh, you did, but I’m not going to do that. It’s stupid. We’re sitting in a dark bar in Tennessee, not the set of Bridgerton, after all.”
“Well, I?—”
“Don’t interrupt me again.” Gone is the playful, jovial tone of the man proposing to finance a business development. This is the James I’ve been waiting to come out and play. On the table, I cross my fingers. Delilah does the same, leaning her head on my shoulder.
“Earl, there are some things you should know about me. I’m a patient man. I try to be as kind as Ipossibly can and to see the good in people. It’s important to me that the people with whom I work share the same core values as I do. While we’ve been sitting here, I’ve been trying like hell to see the good in you, but fuck me if I just can’t seem to find it.”
There’s a long, awkward pause. I can just imagine James staring Earl down with those blazing blue eyes, just like I can imagine Earl shrinking smaller and smaller under the intensity of that gaze.
“There is a lot of good in me. I’m an excellent golf?—”
“So let’s talk about some of those core values, shall we, Earl? You have a wife, correct?”
“Ex-wife. Almost ex-wife. Delilah, she’s crazy. She was so nice and normal when we met, but somewhere along the way she lost her mind. She started believing all these wacky things and putting hair dye in my shampoo. I had to get out of that marriage.”
“Right, of course. I mean, women, right? And what about children? You have a daughter?”
“Sadie. She lives with her mother. I think Delilah has poisoned her against me. I haven’t seen her in?—”
“How old is Sadie, Earl? When’s her birthday? What grade will she be starting in a few weeks? Does she have a favorite color? Favorite movie? Does she play sports or like to read? Do you call her when she’s not with you?”
“Well, no, but it’s like I said. That bitch Delilah won’t let me?—”
“And Delilah. She’s pregnant, correct?”
“Yes, but that’s not my problem. She was cheating on me.”
Delilah grips my hand tight, and I give her a reassuring squeeze.
We knew this would be hard to listen to, I try to tell her with my eyes.
I’m going to cut his nuts off, she answers with hers.
“And that’s why you requested a paternity test as part of your divorce and custody proceedings. Did you know I happen to have access to those results right here on my phone?” There’s a pause, and I know James is pulling up the file he went over with us earlier this morning.
