Except today I did. And now it’s time to pay the piper.
“Mama, Vee Vee, watch this!” Sadie says, flicking open her pink flip phone with the precision of an early aughts Valley Girl and pretending to make a call, propping her hand on her hip. “Okay? Oh my god, no way. No, she did not! Ugh! Wait, I’m on the other line with Gretchen. She is so annoying.”
Sadie punctuates each word with a near-perfect vocal fry, then looks at Delilah. “Mama! That’s howyou guys used to talk on the phone in the old days, right? You couldn’t even see each other on the screen, could you? That’s how you could be mean to your friends and talk about them behind their backs' cause they were on other lines and couldn’t see them!”
I put a hand over my mouth to cover my laughter, my words muffled through my palm. “Maybe Mean Girls wasn’t the best choice for our after-dinner movie. Sadie is like a damn sponge.”
“At least she’s not belly dancing to Milkshake,” Delilah mutters out of the corner of her mouth, but she’s laughing too. “Yes, Lollipop. That’s exactly how we used to talk in the old days. Back then, we’d have to climb on a dinosaur’s back just to get reception on our cell phones.”
“Yeah, we’d walk a mile uphill both ways in the snow just to send a text message and we paid ninety-nine cents for the privilege,” I add, and Sadie rolls her eyes.
“You guys are so not fetch,” she says with a dismissive flip of her hair, sauntering off to entertain the dolls she sometimes pretends to be too old for with her cell phone shenanigans instead of us.
Left by ourselves on the couch, I figure there’s no time like the present. Delilah sighs and lies back, propping her feet in my lap while she absentmindedly runs a hand over her bump. The whir of the airconditioning unit kicking on and the adorable chattering of Sadie and her dolls breaks the silent tension in the room.
“Lilah,” I say after taking a moment to gather my courage. “I think we need to talk about what happened earlier with Earl.”
“Not now, Vee,” she hums, closing her eyes without a care in the world. Which is fine; it’s not like I’m freaking out over here or anything.
“Okay, but we should probably talk soon, right? I mean that was a lot?—”
“Ivy, not now, okay? Relax. We can talk after Sadie goes to bed.”
Sadie calls over that she is not going to bed and in fact will be staying up all night, to which Delilah only rolls her eyes and gives her daughter a very sarcastic “Okay, Lollipop”.
Delilah is acting so calm and unbothered, and it is rocking me to my core. Is she actually calm, or is this the calm before the storm? Does she want to wait until Sadie is asleep to rip me a new asshole for kissing her in front of the entire farmer’s market? Oh god, what if she’s pissed? What if she’s planning on leaving with Sadie and moving back in with her parents? What if I’ve ruined everything before our lives have even had a chance to begin?
“Lilah,” I say on a gasp, my voice sounding asfrantic and twirly as the inside of my brain does. “Can you at least tell me if you’re mad so I can be prepared? I’m freaking out here, babe.”
That gets Delilah’s attention. She sits up—or tries to, anyway. Her belly bump is getting bigger every day and now when she’s horizontal, she really just rolls around like a hot potato. When she’s almost vertical, she looks at me with a softness in her eyes that I could easily sink into if I let myself.
“Vee, I’m not mad at you. I promise. In fact, I’m—” she cuts herself off, those brown eyes going wide as saucers as both hands come down to her belly.
Holy shit,she mouths, and my stomach drops. My original thought spiral is forgotten, replaced by an entirely new and far scarier one.
“Are you okay? Is it the baby? What happened?”
“I’m fine. I’m so good. I’m,” tears well in Delilah’s eyes and she grabs my hand, pressing it hard next to her belly button. We stay like that for a moment, and then I feel it. The smallest kick from Little Bean, finally waking up and saying hello.
“Holy shit!” I exclaim, my own tears coming on like a flood. “Holy shit, Little Bean is kicking!”
Delilah nods and beams through her happy tears, the two of us cooing and squeaking at the tiny miracle happening beneath her skin.
“What the heck is wrong with you two? Crying is so not fetch, Mama!”
“C’mere Lollipop, feel my belly. Your baby sibling is kicking me.”
“What a jerk. I got grounded last time I kicked you. Probably means it’s a boy baby.”
I snort out a laugh and wave the kid over.
“It’s a good thing when a baby kicks, Sadie Girl. It means they’re happy and healthy in Mama’s belly. Come feel!”
Sadie comes over, albeit begrudgingly, but when Little Bean kicks again (the hardest one yet for his or her sister), she’s just as jazzed as Delilah and me.
And just like that, Little Bean has changed all of our lives for the better once again, and my freak-out is momentarily forgotten.
16
