The voices in my head were loud, but then another buzz pulled me back.
Hunter:What if I take you and the
kids to the aquarium next weekend?
My treat. They’d love it.
I froze. Aquarium. A real outing. I stared at the screen too long, chewing my nails. What if one tantrum too many sent him running? Had he realized this wasn’t just a cute dinner in my kitchen or a low-stakes meeting at the park? This was the reality: straps and buckles, Goldfish crackers spilling from little fists, endless “are we there yet” before we even hit the highway.
Me:That’s… a lot. I don’t know.
Hunter:Bad idea?
Me:Maybe. It’s not you. I just… I don’t
want to scare you off.
Hunter:Beautiful. If I was going to run,
I would’ve done it already.
Me:You don’t get it. People say
that. And then they leave.
His reply came back almost instantly.
Hunter:I’m not those people.
I covered my mouth, heart thudding so hard it felt like it might wake the kids in the next room.
Me:I know you’re not.
Hunter:Good. And I’ll keep showing
up until you believe me.
I sank deeper into the blanket, as tears pricked the back of my eyes. I stared at his words glowing on the screen, hope pulsed through me stronger than the fear.
Me:I look forward to it.
Me:And the Aquarium. The kids
would love that.
When I hit send, my chest fluttered with equal parts nervesand butterflies.
???
By the time Saturday rolled around, my nerves were stretched thin.
I’d agreed to the aquarium. I’d actually said yes. And for three days, my brain had been running in circles about it.
Not because I didn’t want to go, I did. The thought of the kids pressing their little noses to the glass, wide-eyed at sharks and stingrays, made me giddy. The thought of Hunter being there beside us, seeing them like that, made warmth bloom in my chest.
But that warmth came with shadows.
What if it was too much? What if the noise, the effort required, the inevitable tantrum-in-public moment pushed him away? What if he looked at me differently afterward, saw me not as the woman who made him laugh over coffee, but as the single mom juggling three small humans who sometimes felt like too much even for me?
