What if I’m wrong?
What if I let my guard down and end up more devastated than ever?
Yeah, but what if you’re right, and D gives you the security you’ve been longing for?
I have to decide which eventuality I’m prepared to invest in. And from where I’m lying snug against his warm, slumbering body, I want to choose optimism. I want to believe I won’t lose him. That he’ll keep himself alive, and that if he sees my scars, he’ll still want me.
Hope has been a scarce commodity for me. I gobble it down and pray more is to come.
I’m not foolish enough to assume I’ll never have doubts again, but if this is a taste of how things could be, there may be more light at the end of my tunnel than I ever realized possible.
“Tommy’s goingto come by in an hour to stay with you while I head out for a bit.”
DiAngelo is shirtless and eating eggs in the kitchen when I get up after sleeping later than normal. No matter how many times I see his beautiful body, it has the same effect of muddying my brain. I have to physically shake off the spell to make sense of his words.
“You’re leaving?”
“I’m gonna go talk to our new friend, see if she’d like to tell us who sent her.”
I take a seat next to him at the bar, making sure to get a closer look at the bandage on his arm while I’m at it. He’s got joggers on, so I can’t see his leg, but nothing seems to be bleeding, so that is reassurance enough for now.
“She was really impressive.”
He scowls and shakes his head. “She was damn good, and if I hadn’t trained with Shae over the past couple of years, she might have taken me. Those two women are cut from the same cloth. And I’m a goddamn idiot to have dismissed the possibility of a female assassin. Not that I actively dismissed it, but I wasn’t as guarded when she approached as I would have been with a man. It’s a mistake I won’t make again.”
“Everybody makes mistakes,” I offer quietly. “That’s how we learn. That’s how we grow stronger.”
His penetrating gaze lifts to mine, and the torment swirling in those depths winds me. My hand reflexively goes to rest on his.
His gaze drops. “The problem is, some mistakes have permanent consequences. No lesson I could learn would ever make up for that.” His sorrow is so palpable, the pain bleeds into me until my chest physically aches.
Is he talking about losing his brother? God, I hope he hasn’t experienced more than one horrific loss like that in his life. If it is his brother that haunts him, where does the mistake come into play? How could he possibly think his actions had anything to do with someone kidnapping and killing his twin?
I’m not sure, but it helps to explain why he takes protection duty so seriously. He’s terrified of losing someone again.
Just like you.
Dear God, I feel bad about giving him hell at first. He was simply doing his best to keep me alive, putting his own soul at risk while knowing he could fail and strap himself with another lifetime of guilt.
D takes his hand from beneath mine and leans back in his chair. “I wanted to talk to you about yoga. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to leave the apartment until we resolve this.” His brows are drawn together, creasing his forehead with worry.
“I agree,” I quickly assure him.
His eyes cut from his plate back to me. “I appreciate that. I know none of this is easy for you.” His tone is adorably gruff. I think he expected me to put up more of a fight.
I give him a small smile. “It’s not forever, right?”
“I suppose not.” He takes his plate to the sink. “Want some eggs?”
“I’m not hungry yet, thanks.”
“Let me know if you change your mind. I’m gonna get dressed—don’t forget Tommy is on his way over.”
“Yes, sir,” I say playfully.
His eyes grow hooded as he returns to my side, cupping his hands against my head. “Sir is good, but D is better.” He slants his lips over mine, seducing me with a passionate kiss that fills the cracks and crevices of my heart in a way I wasn’t sure was possible.
I told myself no kissing, but that rule never stood a chance with DiAngelo. The first time I experienced the soaring joy of his lips on mine, addiction was born.
