He glances down at his phone for the time. “Damn, you need to sleep.” The lock clicks softly before we step inside the cabin that smells like worn leather and pine, just like him.
“I don’t know if I can sleep right away. I’m pretty wound up,” I say, sliding my sandals off by the front door.
He flicks on the kitchen lights and grabs a bottle of water from the fridge, handing it to me. “You need to try. Tomorrow is a big day.”
The reminder settles in my chest with warmth, like he wants me to do well, like he genuinely cares, so I listen andfollow him down the dark hallway, the weight of his frame creaking the old pine wood floors.
Ghosts of old visits brush over me as I walk through the halls, thinking about every glance, every stare, every silent wish I’d made that Silas would come scoop me up and toss me onto his bed. It’s depraved, the things I thought back then. The things I wanted him to do to me with Adam in the next room.
Silas pushes open his bedroom door, giving way to a king-sized bed that’s covered in a handmade quilt. I wonder who’s made it, but I don’t ask questions. I’m too busy soaking in every detail. The way he’s arranged his dresser on the back wall with a framed photo of him and Adam at the beach when he was a kid. The way his clothes are strung over the back of a rocking chair in the corner of the room. The way his rifle leans against the wall between his bed and his nightstand. “This room is the most comfortable,” he says. “The bathroom is attached and you’ll have the whole space to yourself.”
It’s been my dream to lie in his bed for as long as I can remember, but I always imagined he’d be in it with me.
“Oh, I… I don’t want to take your bed. I can sleep in the spare room.”
“The only spare room is Adam’s, and I didn’t think you’d want that kind of memory tonight.” He nods once toward me, his hand white knuckling the door handle. “Help yourself to anything. Is there anything else you need?”
I get the feeling that he’s trying to get away.
“No,” I squeak, “I should be good.” I say the words, though I’m not sure they’re very convincing. How could they be when the truth is that I need a lot more? Ineedhim. Iwanthim.
“Silas,” I say before my brain stops my mouth.
“Yeah?” His deep voice rumbles through the dark as my pussy throbs.
My mouth is dry, and I can’t get my words out. “I’m… it’s hard being here.”
“Why’s that?” There’s a shake in his voice that tells me it’s hard for him too.
My eyes dart side to side, as though the answer to how to fix this is painted on the walls somewhere. Finally, I shrug. “I don’t know. I mean, I know… I really know, but I don’t know how to tell you.”
“Just say it, angel,” he groans. “It’s okay.”
“I’m soaking wet.”Well, that’s one way to say it.
He barks an uncomfortable laugh. “I’m sorry?”
My mouth opens then shuts again, unsure of how to follow that one up. “I must have spilled something in the truck. I’m… I need a shower.”
“Oh.” He scratches his massive hand down over his beard and nods toward the bathroom. “Help yourself. There are towels in the closet.”
I nod, upset with myself for staying quiet. For once in my life, I don’t want to be quiet. I want to take what I need
Before I can second guess myself, I tug at the strap of my sundress and let the smooth cotton slide to the floor.
“Jesus Christ, angel,” he groans. “What are you doing?”
“We’re alone.” I swallow and stand perfectly still in the center of the room, my bare breasts on display for the man I’ve spent a year trying to erase from my mind. “I need you to touch me.”
His wide chest expands as he stands in the doorway, fists clenched, cock hard like he’d rather fight himself than give into temptation.
“We don’t have to tell anyone,” I continue. “Tonight can be just for us.” I swallow hard as my thighs squeeze together inadvertently, trying to quell the urges bubbling up. “I feel so safe when you’re around, Silas. I need you. I need you right nowor I’m going to think about this moment for the rest of my life and wish I’d tried.”
His jaw tightens as he holds firm in the doorway. “You’re killing me, angel. This is fucked up. I promised your parents. I—”
“You promised you’d keep me safe. I’m not asking you tohurtme.” I bite my lip and take a step forward, my breasts swaying as my heart hammers against my chest. I don’t know what I’m doing. I mean, I know the motions, I know what comes next, but I have no clue what I’m setting free.
All I know is that I need it. I need him. We’re both adults. Adults who are allowed a private moment. A moment no one else has to know about.
