Maybe Adam does know what’s going on between Ellie and I.
Maybe I’m an idiot for not seeing it sooner.
Either way, I’ve got a lot to do to get things right.
Chapter Seven
Ellie
If I could unhear the conversation Silas and his brother just had, that’d be great. I’m causing so many problems I didn’t mean to cause, though looking back, fantasizing about my boyfriend’s dadwhile I was withmy boyfriend probably wasn’t the best thing to be doing.
I shouldn’t have been thinking about sneaking into Silas’ room while Adam and I were hanging out. I shouldn’t have been picturing what kinds of things he could do to me with those big, strong, muscular arms. I also shouldn’t have been replaying the conversations we had in my head over and over, wishing we could have more of them.
Maybe if I hadn’t thought those things, I wouldn’t have dragged Silas over to the dark side. Maybe if I hadn’t stripped my clothes off last night, he wouldn’t have lost control.
He was trying very hard to be good before that.
Truth be told, I could go on about the coulda, woulda, shoulda’s forever, but nothing changes what’s happened. Nothing changes the reality of how deep Silas and I are in.
In my defense, Adam couldn’t have cared less about my dreams. When I told him about the flower farm, he laughed his ass off. When we were alone together, he’d rather play video games than talk. Not to mention that I frequently caught him looking at other women.
When I’m with his dad, I feel listened to, heard, cared for, seen, and even beautiful.
Yes, I know how all that sounds,which is why I need to take a step back and reassess my life choices, because clearly, I veered off the highway of good judgment and straight into the swamps of temptation and tragedy. I mean, despite the messed-up relationship I had with Adam, I know better than to screw around with my ex’s dad.
Truth be told, every decision I’ve made comes with a big, waving, red flag, and yet, here I am, standing in the wreckage of my impulses. Impulses that still, despite my better judgment, I want to act on again.
What the hell is wrong with me?
None of that matters now that I heard Silas use the word ‘love.’ He said it, clear as day.
He loves me, I love him, but… it doesn’t matter because what we have is too forbidden. We can’t be together. Being together would wreck everything.
The way I’m spiraling, I half-expect woodland creatures to gather round and offer emotional support as I sing about my tragic life choices. I blame the dramatics on having just lost my virginity, though part of me knows I really just need to get a grip.
When I step into the kitchen, Silas is leaning over the solid oak table, his head in his hands as though he’s negotiating with the universe. The coffee pot gurgles its last drip, and a plate of bacon from earlier sits abandoned on the counter.
“You okay?” I step forward, my hand resting on his strong back in comfort. I shouldn’t touch him. I need to keep my distance. I need to give him space enough that he can get his head on straight. Space so that he can come to terms with what we need to do.
“Yeah.” He tugs me onto his lap and cradles me in his big, inked arms. “I’m better now.”
My chest squeezes as I try to balance reality with the fantasy I’ve been living. I want to stay here, steep myself in this magical, fantasy world until we’re both so delusional neither of us can find our way out, but I fear that’s a selfish move. I need to tear off the Band-Aid, break the dam, and have the conversation we need to have so we can both move on.
“I heard the conversation between you and Cash. I didn’t mean to, but you guys were talking so loud I couldn’t help it.”
Silas brushes his big hand down the side of my head and tucks me in against his chest. “We knew Adam would be upset. I can handle it.”
“If he broke into the bakery, he’s more than upset. He’s lost his mind, Silas. I can’t let you ruin your relationship with him. You’re all he has for family.”
The giant holding me drags in a heavy breath and lets it out slowly, as though he’s trying to reconcile his own thoughts. “We don’t even know if that’s why he broke into the bakery.”
I narrow my gaze and sit up straighter. “I didn’t think much about it at the time, but looking back there were plenty of times Adam showed me how jealous he was of whatever little conversations you and I were having.”
“Like what?”
“Like… after you and I talked about the flowers, I was happy. He picked up on that and asked me why I was never that excited after he and I talked.” I tilt my head to the side as embarrassment heats my face. “Then another night, he drilled me with weird questions about what you and I talked about. He wanted to know every detail of the conversation, right down to your inflection when you said it.” I shrug. “I feel stupid for not putting two and two together, but at the time, I was oblivious. Oh,” I straighten, “and one night he got really weird about the way I was looking at you.”
“Looking at me?”
