17
TATI
Viktor left sometime in the night. I woke up alone, his scent still on my sheets. He has a spicy, almost whiskey scent about him, mixed with hints of his natural musk and sex. Now as the sun rises and the walls of my room lighten, I wrap myself up in his smell, taking in all that’s left of him.
Being with him felt like everything I have ever wanted. The sex is just an extension of a feeling I seem to get just being around him. Like I’m being held up or just being held. I’m no longer twisting in the wind when I’m with him. He fills something inside me that I didn’t know was missing.
And for all his bluster about being a cold-hearted killer, he does care about me. I don’t know how far any of that will take us. After all, sex and love are two very different things. And when you add a baby into the mix…
I pull my knees up and cradle my belly. The plan that I’ve made, as thin as it is, is to leave this place. Run as fast and as far away as I can without anyone ever knowing about this baby. And now, once again, I’m second-guessing where Viktor stands in all that.
I want him to come with me. It’s more than just a lot to ask. It’s literally compelling the impossible on him. Bratva is Bratva for life. Even with Nick’s death in question now, I simply don’t know if he’ll ever be willing to run with me. It might be an insult to his masculinity to even suggest it.
I wish Marla were still here. I wish I could call her so she could tell me how silly I’m being. I wish I could hear her tell me to have faith in the monster, to give him a chance to rise to the occasion if he truly has that in him.
The sun looks like it’s already completely risen. My father is most likely home and still asleep from being out all night drinking. He did the same thing after Nicki’s funeral. I spent most of that day mourning in private. Alone. Well, not completely alone. Marla was with me. We comforted each other.
And now she’s gone. At least Viktor was here last night. I don’t think I could have made it through the night without him.
I get out of bed and head to my bathroom to shower. Whatever happens next, I have to keep up appearances to my father. That means getting up, getting something to eat, and occupying my time while staying out of his way. Or in other words, “appearing strong in the name of our family”.
The shower feels so good as the warm water rains down over my skin. And suddenly, I’m thinking about how Marla was killed… and what she suspected about Nicki’s death. She had tons of files and papers proving her theories. Wonder what happened to them? She said she had gone to a lawyer. But does that mean that they have those papers now? If they do, now that she’s dead, are the Feds on their way to getting my father next?
No. I don’t think she ever went to the authorities. There would be signs by now that we were being monitored if that were the case. Maybe she hid the copies. Ihopeshe hid them. If she did, then I have a chance of finding them and…
And then what? I’m certainly not going to go to the Feds. If I don’t know anything else, I know better than to trust that they’ll be able to protect me from my father if he ever found out. Not to mention the fact that snooping is almost as bad as snitching. Viktor was right about one thing. Snooping around something like this is asking for trouble.
I keep thinking about that phone call I overheard. He was talking to someone about Marla’s death. It’s possible that he’s protecting somebody within the Bratva. Anything is possible when it comes to the politics within the Bratva. Either way, I could be putting my own neck on the line.
It’s the last thought I have as I finish my shower and get out. A little more alert and awake as I leave my bathroom and get dressed, I start to consider how long it’ll be before sitting around and waiting becomes too much for me. Not long, I imagine. I hate sitting around and waiting.
I glance at the time on the little alarm clock on my nightstand as I consider what I should wear today. It’s nearly midmorning. Depending on how much Father drank last night, he shouldn’t be up for at least another couple of hours. Maybe I’ll have time to go downstairs and make myself a proper breakfast instead of the bland scrambled eggs he usually has sent up to me.
Speaking of which… I walk over to my door. His people usually knock to let me know something’s out there. Maybe they did while I was in the shower. I open the door to see a plate of food on a tray on the threshold… and a box.
I kneel down and pick up the box. It’s a plain brown parcel. Unopened, which is strange in itself. I haven’t gotten any mail in the entire time I’ve been home, and I just assumed that if I did get any, I’d receive it already opened like they do in any jail.
I glance around the empty hallway, then take it and the tray of food back in the bedroom with me.
The box isn’t that big and it’s pretty light. I give it a little shake and feel a little movement. Usually an indication of clothing…
I set it on my bed and tear it open. It takes me a second to recognize the collection of pink and white fabrics, but when I do, it instantly makes me smile.
I pull out the pair of panties right on the top. Baby pink with white frills, bikini cut just like I like. The next pair are white, also with little frills around the edges. I have to cover my mouth to keep from laughing with hysteric joy.
As I take out the third pair, a card falls out onto the bed. I pick it up. It reads,
A good girl never goes commando unless Daddy asks her to.
—Viktor
A rogue giggle escapes me.The monster provides where my father did not. The irony is not lost on me… and I think I love it this way.
And so,the question of how long it would take before I would get tired of waiting for Viktor has been answered. It’s noon already and the house has been quiet. I’m starting to think that my father’s not even home.
With him not being home, I start to realize that there’s no one stopping me from having a look around his office. As I go downstairs, I talk myself up.I’m just looking. Probably not going to find anything after all these years, but I have to try, right? I’ve got an opportunity and I need to take it.
As soon as I’m downstairs, that feeling of emptiness surrounds me. The house really is empty. I couldn’t be luckier than right now.
