An icy cold wave washes over me. The police report… I haven’t even seen that report. “You’ve read the police report?” I ask her. “Why would you do that? Your father told us all what happened.”
“Just answer the question, please.”
Something’s off about this and I don’t like it. But she’s asking me for an answer—one that I couldn’t give even if I wanted to. “Tati, I can’t answer that. I’m sorry.”
“What do mean, you can’t answer that? You were there.”
“I don’t actually remember much of what happened the night of the crash. You know that part of my memory is gone from it.”
Her lips tighten into a thin line. “Right. But there has to be something you remember from that night. Something before the crash. Like where you were, what you were doing.”
I sigh as the blurry memory of some of the events that night float through my mind. They look like still paintings that have been doused with water and blurred almost beyond recognition. “Wewere at the Red Devil Clubhouse for a birthday celebration, so, I suppose it’s possible that I had been drinking.”
“You would get into a car with someone who was drunk?”
“What are you really asking me, Tati? You think I had something to do with Nicki’s death? Do you really think I would ever hurt him? He was my brother.”
“He was my brother too!” she shouts, tears bursting from her eyes. “He was my brother too, and it’s not fucking fair that he’s not here! I just want to know why he’s gone! I just want… I just…” She dissolves in sobs and wraps herself up in her arms as she shakes with despair.
I take her in my arms, holding her as she buries her face in my chest. I don’t have any words to stop her tears. I can’t turn her sorrow off like a faucet.
But as I’m standing here, holding her, letting her cry against me, I realize that I don’t need to. I pull her in a little tighter and kiss her on top of her head. She melds into me, her arms wrapping around my torso.
“Viktor,” she says, her voice nearly squeaking from her tears. “I just want him back.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I do too.”
We don’t talkas I drive her back. She sits in the passenger’s seat and watches the world pass us by in silence. I wish I were the kind of man who could weave poetry out of thin air for her. Or at least something that might help in some way. But I know,probably better than anyone, what living with a broken heart feels like. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Least of all, Tati.
We pull up the circle drive to the front of the house. As I put the car in park, she asks, “Could you come in with me?”
I nod. Of course I will. Anything she wants.
As we get out of the car and I walk her in, I see that the lights are on through the living room windows. Nikolai’s probably waiting up for her.
We walk into the foyer, and I spot Nikolai pacing in the living room. He stops the moment he sees us.
“Where the fuck have you been?” he says, his eyes wide with rage as he glares at Tati. He stalks toward us, and I notice Tati flinching. “How many times are we going to do this, Tatiana?”
He grabs her arm and yanks her close. She yelps out in surprise.
“I should throw you out,” he growls. “Do you know how lucky you are to have me to look out for you? There are parents who could gladly toss a little tramp like you out on the street?—”
“That isn’t necessary, Nikolai,” I speak up. “She wasn’t doing anything except—” I’m stopped short by Tati shooting me a look of warning.Don’t tell him.
“Did I ask for your commentary?” Nikolai asks. “I don’t believe I did. Why don’t you just leave me to my daughter? Your services are not needed here.”
I should do exactly what I’m told. It’s what I’ve always done. It’s what I’m trained to do. I don’t move. My feet stay rooted to the ground. “Not until you let her go.”
He squints at me with confusion. “What did you say?”
“You are hurting your daughter, Nikolai,” I say in calm, measured tones. “You wanted me to bring her home safe, and at this moment, she doesn’t look all that safe to me.”
He glares at me, and I know I’ve fucked up. His jaw clenches and he pushes her away from him. “Go to your room,” he says, keeping his eyes on me.
Tati stumbles, rubbing her arm while she looks up at me with deep fear in her eyes. It’s warranted. This might be the last thing I ever see.
She turns and leaves, knowing there’s not much she can do for me right now. Nikolai doesn’t say anything as she goes up the steps. He just glares at me, his jaw set and his eyes boring holes into me.
Once she’s out of sight, he tilts his head and says, “Now she’s safe. You are dismissed, Viktor.”
I leave, and I do so quickly. By the time I’m in my car and about to drive away, I get a text from Tati. It’s only two words, but they’re weighted with meaning.
Thank you.
