My precious little girl shrugs, then presses the doll against mine. “She just is.”
I pull both dolls together, mimicking an embrace. “Then mommy holds her.”
We play like this for a while, Simi talking in little bursts while her attention jumps from one thing to another. Her small body stays on the move, as if she’s been starved from having to stay still and quiet so she doesn’t draw attention to herself.
The toys lose her attention, and she climbs onto my lap, pressing her face into my chest.
“Tell me a story, Mama.”
I clear my throat while I pull my fingers through her soft strands, which are the same chestnut brown as mine.
“Once upon a time, there was a little princess. She was locked in a room by an evil wizard.” I keep staring at every inch of her face. Her little lashes, the soft brown of her eyes, the way her nose tips up, her rosy cheeks. “One day, a brave prince came, and he fought the wizard. He searched everywhere for the little princess, and when he found her, he carried her away to a land where she could play in the sun. He gave her everything her heart wanted and made her feel safe.”
“Do I have a prince looking for me?” Simi asks.
“Yes,” I lie because I don’t have the heart to tell her the truth. There are no princes in our world. Only evil wizards and monsters.
Simi catches my silk blouse between her thumb and forefinger and rubs the fabric while softly admitting, “I don’t want you to go.”
I press a kiss to the top of her head and squeeze my eyes shut.
“Can you sleep here tonight?” she asks.
“I wish I could.” My voice is strained from the heartache ripping through my soul.
She goes still, and tilting her head back to look at me, her eyes searching my face. “I don’t want you to leave.”
My chest tightens so much I can barely breathe. “I wish things were different,sartse moe.”
Her chin begins to tremble, then she presses her face back against my chest.
Tanya’s standing by Ivan, but when she starts to walk toward us, Simi’s whole body stiffens.
“No,” my little girl whimpers immediately, clutching me tighter. “No, not yet.”
Jesus.
I close my eyes for a second as a wave of crippling heartache moves through me. Opening them again, I smooth her hair back with a gentle caress. “Hey, look at me.”
She shakes her head, burying her face deeper against me.
“Simi.”
Slowly, she lifts her head, big tears rolling over her cheeks.
“You’re going to be okay,” I say, keeping my voice as steady and loving as I can, even though everything inside me is dying. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
Her lip quivers. “I want you to stay!”
I brush my thumb over her cheek. “I want that too.”
“Enough!” Tanya snaps angrily.
I hear the door open, then Ivan growls, “Time.”
Simi shakes her head hard, her arms tightening around me. “No!”
I hold her close for one more second, then I gently pull her back, even as she resists, her small hands grabbing at me.
