“Sad, huh? You know they’ve lived on separate continents for most of their friendship.” He shakes his head at me, then pokes at my side. “Are you going to volunteer to keep him company?”
Of course I would. I’d be anything, do anything I had to in order to be with him.
Shrugging, I stand, walking the few steps to our shared closest, then pull out a hoodie to slip on before I go to bed. “Do you think he’d ever take a chance?”
“Who would take a chance on what?” Nikko kicks his feet up onto his mattress and leans back against the wall.
“Like Jase is dating you,” I explain. “Do you think Kija would do that?”
Nikko’s brow furrows in confusion. “Would Kija-hyung date me? What are you asking?”
“If Kija would date someone likeme,” I mumble, turningback to the racks of clothes for no reason other than not having to see the expression on Nikko’s face when he answers.
“I’m pretty sure he’s straight,” Nikko says, gently, as though he needs to deliver that news carefully. As if I didn’t know. “But I only know him a little better than you do. I can’t guess at what he might or might not do. I think his job would probably make it hard to date anyone else from the label, though.”
“He literally got your boyfriend a job at the company so you could date him,” I remind him. “Seems like he doesn’t mind the idea.”
Nikko grabs a pillow to shove behind his head. “Kija is a good guy; I know that. But I haven’t really picked up on any major risk-taker vibes from him.”
“I bet he could pickmeup,” I muse, my mind immediately pulling me into a fantasy of Kija holding me up against a wall.
“Oh my god. We’re done. Please spare me from any more of this conversation,” Nikko groans, ducking further down the bed to pull a blanket up and try to hide.
With my imagination running wild, I know I won’t be able to sleep any time soon. I yank on the hoodie and grab my phone and key to go for a walk. Sneaking out is second nature now, I know all the squeaky spots on the floor and each creak of the doors to move around them like a ghost. I’m out of the building in no time, traipsing up to my favorite hideaway, the pavilion in a nearby park.
Stretching out on the playground slide, I close my eyes and let myself sink back into the imagery I’d conjured up. Kija caging me in with his strong arms as he holds me against the wall—maybe in his bedroom—my legs wound around his hips, his lips on mine.
Despite what Nikko thinks, not every thought I have about Kija is dirty. I have just as many domestic daydreams as I do the frisky ones. After four years of getting to know him in little bits and learning about him, I’m more convinced than everthat he’s the perfect man.
Specifically the perfect man forme.
I’ve filed away the sound of his voice every time I’ve heard him speak, tracked every swoop of his hands as he’s gestured, and put together such a vivid facsimile of him in my head that if I concentrate, I can practically feel him.
It’s enough for now.
THREE
KIJA
“Ican’t believe they did the ducks.”
“They’re not ducks, though?”
“They look like ducks.”
“I think they’re geese.”
“No, look, it says right here: Mandarin ducks. Oh. Or geese. We’re both right.”
“That has to be a first,” Chulsoon says as he walks up to the table from where he’s been sitting at the groom’s side with the rest of the wedding party.
Wonshik and Junghwa both mumble curses at him under their breath, thankfully being fairly appropriate given the venue and everyone around us. I assume that will only last until the soju and spirits are served.
I turn to see what Jase is doing, but he’s also preoccupied with the ducks or geese or whatever, arranging them in front of his plate so that they appear to be kissing. He’s so focused he doesn’t notice me watching as he takes several pictures, trying for artsy angles, then quickly edits them for optimal lighting and color. Of course, he sends them to Nikko, tapping out a message that I can’t read from here. I’m good with that.
“So what’s the deal with the ducks?” he asks a few moments later, after he’s gotten a reply that has made his smile all crookedand dopey.
“Wedding tradition, but not really common anymore. I remember my mom talking about them. My parents have a set that they keep in their bedroom. Normally they are set up facing each other, but if mom is mad, she’ll turn one away.” I laugh, recalling vividly that my father always knew when he was in trouble if the ducks were in disagreement. “They’re supposed to be symbols of fidelity because they mate for life and bring peace and prosperity, I think.”
