“I delete them,” Chaeji says simply. “Or I’ll let you do it. I’ll hand my phone right over to you, and you can see that they’re gone.”
“How many?”
She carefully rearranges herself in her chair, the candlelight on her green dress making the print look like snakeskin, which seems appropriate. “How many what?”
“Dates.” I hate the way it sounds. Going on dates with her when I can’t even do that with Sun. “Give me a number.”
“That would take all of the romance out of it, don’t you think?” Chaeji simpers. “Let’s just see what happens.”
“No. I need a number,” I argue.
“Are you really in a position to make demands?” She turns her gaze away from me completely, focusing on the nakji-bokkeum she’s been nibbling on, as if she’s giving me time to think and come to the correct conclusion.
I huff, but still reword. “I amrequestingmore information on the arrangement you’d like to have with me. Please.”
“Is this why you’re so good at your job? You just don’tquit,” she stops and fans herself with her hand. “It’s sexy.”
“Chaeji.”
“I love the way you say my name.” She picks up her phone, swipes to open the calendar, and flicks through a few weeks, considering. “Seven dates. A couple of dinners, a walk by the river or something, maybe a cute couple outfit or…”
“Not going to happen,” I insist, shaking my head. I have to keep a few things for myself, for Sun. I’ll do public, but I won’t docute. “I’m a grown-ass man, I am not wearing matching clothes. And we will continue to meet at restaurants.”
“Ugh, fine.” She beckons the server back over to the table, asking for them to box up everything we didn’t touch, which is most of it because eating was not the point of this meet up. “You’ll see, Kija. This is going to be good for both of us. We’re perfect together on paper; we’ll be even better in real life.”
“This is hardly real life,” I say. “Coercion does not make a relationship.”
“Hmmmm,” Chaeji hums, grabbing her purse and ignoring me. “‘Walk me to my car, Kija.”
I catch the way her eyes flicker to the crowd of curious eyes still waiting outside. I guess that’s my cue to put on a good show. All of a sudden, I can’t help but think that me being the perfect fake boyfriend might be a special kind of terrible for her. If she really did—does?—want me, wouldn’t it be worse for me to be what she wants when she can’t actually have me?
Smiling, I stand to pull her chair out and wait to take her hand as we exit the restaurant, then angle her just right for the perfect shot when she kisses my cheek. I open the car door and send her off with a wave, and I don’t miss the bewildered look on her face over my sudden change of attitude.
As I make my way back to my own car, I feel like I have a plan. She might actually be an awful person, someone who has put me in a terrible position. But I can be everything she thinks she wants for a little while, knowing she’ll never really have itall. She gets what she needs for now, but not what she wants in the end. At least not me. Maybe she’ll get the career boost she’s looking for. I don’t care. I’ll do what I have to in order to make this all go away.
I can still keep Sun safe, and that’s all that matters to me.
?
LUX
Something is wrong.
I don’t know what it is, but I canfeelit.
The hours of silence from Kija have only confirmed that I’m right, but I don’t know what I’m right about.
I hate this.
I’m practically shivering, my body shaking with nervous energy, even under all these blankets. I piled every one I could find on my bed and burrowed into them, trying to find some comfort, like a needy omega in the book series I’ve been reading. Or have been attempting to read. I could never concentrate enough to really pay attention to the plot, as my mind kept wandering or my eyes would dart to my phone every ten seconds, like I had somehow missed a call or text.
It’s getting late, but I know I’m not going to sleep.
Not tonight, not when I feel like I’m about to crawl out of my skin.
Hand trembling, I try Kija’s number one more time. Still no answer.
When my eyes get blurry from anxious tears, I have to do something. I can’t stay here like this, worried and miserable all alone all night.
