“I know you want to go say hi, but you have got to be less obvious.”
I spin around to see Ryo by my side. “It’s difficult,” I tell him, my eyes straying to Kija evenas I speak.
“I know. But you have to be careful, for yourself and for him,” he says gently, patting my shoulder a couple of times.
Nodding, I approach Nikko where he is standing next to Jase, positioning myself what seems like a safe distance away from Kija. “Hello, Jase. Hi, hyung,” I greet each of them.
“Hello Su— Lux.” Kija corrects himself before he slips up on my name, but the fondness is still evident in his voice.
It makes my heart hurt a little bit. He’s right here, and I can’t do anything about it. Nikko has his hand wrapped around Jase’s arm, all cozy, and I’ve got all kinds of space in my bubble that I don’t want. I try not to think about it—the way the entirety of our relationship will look like this, will be about pretending there’s nothing going on.
“You’re going to vote for our team, right?” Nikko asks both of them, seeming to sense I need to get out of my head.
“Um.” Jase looks like he’s thinking of a way to be polite about what he wants to say. “I’m not really excited about either of them?”
Kija laughs. “I’m glad you said it, because I’m actually a little bit terrified.”
“Yeah, that’s fair,” Nikko snorts, as we’re summoned back to the set.
Standing around waiting for the last few minutes of the timer to wind down, I have to force myself not to look back and see what Kija is doing. If he’s still got his eyes on me.
We’re all peering into the pizza ovens, watching our creations and hoping for the best when Tang says, “Is it just me or do these smell weird?”
Everyone cracks up, because he’s not wrong, but then the bell dings and it’s time to pull them out. As soon as Lalo and Ryo set the oddly-scented sort-of-pizzas down on the counters, they’re told to cut them into thin slices so everybody present can have a taste.
I recognize most of the people who have come to sacrificethemselves for this episode—mostly office workers from around the TFE building and some of the production crew. They’re all standing around with plates, waiting unenthusiastically to be served as the director makes a final announcement.
“A group of guest judges will now taste each team’s pizza and vote on three categories: overall appeal, taste, and whether or not they believe it’s actually a pizza.” She pauses while everyone snickers, then goes on to say, “Team RyoTaChi used bulgogi, shrimp, corn, and pineapple, with gochujang drizzle, while Team LaLuKo had spicy pork sausage, hot chicken, sweet potato, and sweet pickles, with mayo and wasabi.”
None of us can keep straight faces as everyone walks up to get their slices of these very questionable-looking pizzas. Lalo’s crust looks a little sturdier than Ryo’s, but I don’t really want to take a bite of either. The ingredients are all great on pizza normally, but the sight of these toppings on those doughy heaps is just so unappetizing.
I make a point to look away as Jase and Kija approach, fearing my expression will give something away. Jase makes a comment about never forgiving any of us for this as he begrudgingly accepts the sad-looking piece dropped on his plate. Kija is basically silent except for a quiet huff of displeasure, but it’s just similar enough to the snuffling sound he makes as he begins to wake up in the morning that I have to grip the towel in front of me on the counter to keep from reacting.
Each team has to try bites of their own as well as the others’ pizza while the judges timidly nibble on what they’ve been given. I hear someone remark that it’s not nearly as bad as they expected it to be, but that’s about the most positive review.
Lalo, Nikko, and I hold hands like beauty pageant contestants as we wait for the results, only to hear that Team RyoTaChi is the winner by a small margin.
“I’m not sure anyone really won today,” Chita says, then gestures toward the room at large. “I guarantee none of them are ever going to volunteer for any future episodes.”
Everyone laughs again, but I can see Jase mouthing to Nikko that he’d do it again, and something inside me cracks a little bit. I thought I’d be over being jealous, but maybe that’s always going to be something I have to fight.
Kija catches my eye as he’s getting ready to walk out the door, then gives me a wink and a hint of a crooked side-smile that instantly lifts my mood again. Like he knew I needed that. We’ll be okay.
I am lucky to have these friends—brothers—who are willing to keep my secrets and protect me.
I’ve got everything I wanted for so long.
Even if it’s in secret, it’s still mine.
FIFTEEN
KIJA
Watching Sun eat is both fascinating and adorable. Despite his delicate features and overall smallness, there is nothing demure or timid about his appetite or the way he attacks his food. His bites are comically large—his cheeks puffing out when stuffed full and his pleasure at the taste clear from the sounds he makes before declaring each item delicious.
I’m so completely captivated by this voracious side of him that he’s more than halfway through his meal before I even really start on mine. I shouldn’t be surprised, though, since his hunger for everything—including me—seems to be expressed in similar ways.
If I’m being honest, I’m not sure I’ve ever been more attracted to him than I am in this moment, as he leans back in his chair and rubs his stomach, a blissful expression on his face. “Happy?”
