Continuing to stroke, I go just a bit harder, encouraged by the string of broken attempts at words, each cut off by a plea for me to keep going. The arch and bow of his back is beautiful, his body undulating like a wave, lost to the tide of sensations that I am helping to provide. Seeing him like this, reacting to me this way, so uninhibited, is more of a turn-on than anything any previous partner before him has ever done.
This night—what we’re doing here in my bed—is going to alter my life as I know it. It’s transforming me right now, evenas he writhes on my fingers, breathing raggedly, the sheen of sweat at the small of his back. There’s no going back for me. Not from him. That’s obvious to me now.
“Can you take another?” I ask in a gruff whisper, bending over to press the words into his skin.
“Please. Yes. Please.” Sun mewls as I withdraw enough to get one more finger lubed up, and I honestly can’t believe all three will fit inside him. He inhales sharply as I push back in, going slow. “It’s so much, so good,” he murmurs, words slurred together like he’s intoxicated, all blissed out.
My other hand trails down along his spine, the knobs and ridges, and goosebumps that linger in the wake of my touch. I think I could probably do this for hours, and I want to some day, but I can tell he’s getting restless by the twist of his hips as he quickly adjusts to the stretch. But I’m still surprised when he pulls away from my fingers, leaving him empty.
He looks wild—his eyes darker than I’ve ever seen them, his face flushed and lips bitten. “Wanna ride you,” he says, pushing at my shoulder to get me to lie back.
I let him, of course, rolling over easily and lifting up to let him tug my briefs off when his fingers slip beneath the waistband. I catch his wrist as he straddles my thighs, his hand circling my cock, sending a shudder vibrating through me. “Are you sure? You want to be on top?”
Sun reaches for the lube again, nodding fervently. “Yes. Wanna do it just like this. Wanna show you…”
I’m about to argue that he doesn’t need to show me anything, but then he’s shifting forward, his grip guiding me to his entrance. “Sun, wait. Condom.”
He pauses, looking a little disappointed. “Do we have to?”
“It might be better… for both of us… the first time,” I say, both cautious and not wanting to admit I’d like to give myself a chance to last longer than a few minutes. I haven’t worried about anything like that since I was fucking around with girls in high school, but everything about this—Sun, the feel of him, the heavy weight of the desire that’s been building—has me concerned about the potential of my stamina.
“Okay.” He waits for me to reach for the packet, rip it open, and roll it on. “Next time we go without,” he tells me, then repositions himself and begins to ease down onto my cock.
All the breath in my lungs seems to escape in a rush, punched out by the all-consuming awareness of the tight heat of Sun around me. It only increases inch by inch, until he’s fully seated, leaning back experimentally, and gripping my thighs. “Fuck.Sun.You…” I don’t even know what I’m trying to say, but I wrap my hands around his waist to hold on, like that will ground me in the moment.
Sun shifts, pitching forward, his palms on my chest and his head hanging down, as though he needs a moment to adjust. I could use one, too, honestly. This connection—both the physical sensations and the pounding of my heart with so many emotions I can’t even understand right now—is so much more intense than I could have ever guessed it would be.
The moment seems to draw out, the urgency of just a few moments ago dissipating.
And then Sun sniffles.
I freak out.
This was too much for him. Too soon. I’ve hurt him. I’ve done something wrong.
He looks up at me, the distress clear on his features—eyes watery, mouth trembling.
“Sun-ah? What’s wrong? I can fix it. Let me fix it,” I plead. “Talk to me.”
“I don’t know what to do!” he cries, shoulders shaking as he crumples in on himself. “I just wanted to be good for you. I practiced so much and I thought I knew what I needed to be able to do it, but it’s so different. It’s reallyyounow, and Idon’t know how.”
Maybe it’s the wrong time, but I know that I have fallen even farther in that moment, his vulnerability bringing out a fierce protectiveness in me. “Sun, come here,” I coax, reaching to wrap my arms around him gingerly, not wanting to move in any way that will make him uncomfortable.
He wipes at his eyes with the back of his hands and lets himself fall onto my chest. “I’m sorry.”
I press a kiss to the top of his head, holding him tight. “Do you need to move? Should I pull out?”
“N-no,” he says quietly, from where his face is hidden against my neck. “I want you inside me. I thought the toys would help, but it’s not the same. You feel… bigger. I like it.”
“Thanks for the ego boost,” I chuckle. Smoothing my palms over his back, I remind him, “This is my first time, too, you know. I’ve never done this either. We can learn together. Try some things. Do what feels right. Tell each other what we like.” I pause and slip my finger under his chin to tilt his head up to look at me. “I want that. Do you?”
He nods, then looks down, suddenly shy. “Do you still want me right now?”
“Yes, I do. Very much,” I assure him. I let my hands drop to his ass, grabbing and rocking him just a little bit, and he gasps. “Still feels like I want you, yeah?”
“Y-yeah.” He sits back up just enough to kiss me, hungry and urgent. “Can we do this? Differently?”
It takes me a second to catch up again, my body very much responding to the quick switch from a moment of reassurance and back to the action. “Hold on,” I say, getting my balance as he clings to me, then gently rolling us over so he’s on his back and I’m hovering over him. “Let’s try this again.”
