“Is one of those things sex?” I ask before I can stop myself. It’s sweet he’s admitting to being nervous, but I need to know.
Kija bursts out laughing and it makes me do the same. I know there was nothing subtle about that. “Right to the point, huh?”
“Always. This is allamazing. I’m really enjoying this time withyou and being close like this, but I alsoreallywant to have sex with you,” I confess, even though it doesn’t feel like much of a secret.
He nods and moves his hand to my head, slipping his fingers through my hair, and I lean into it. “Yeah, that’s one of the things I am nervous about. I’ve always been confident about that, but…”
I wait to see if he’ll say more after trailing off, but he doesn’t. I want to make him feel better about this, though. “You don’t need to worry. I know what I’m doing, so that’s enough.”
“You told me you hadn’t been with anyone before.” Kija looks confused at how both things could possibly be true.
“I haven’t. I know it will be different with a real person, but I think I figured some things out on my own,” I say, adjusting my position to look at him. “I have toys. I have… a lot of toys. I’ve been practicing giving head for years so I can deep throat. I have dildos in all shapes and sizes. I know how to use each of them to make me feel the best. I didn’t want to be clueless.”
The surprise is evident all over his gorgeous face. “I’m suddenly thinking that your talent with that blow job makes a lot more sense.”
I’m so proud of the compliment, pleased that not only had he noticed, but he also thought I had skills. “I wanted to be ready.”
“So you just started practicing. Just in case?” He still looks like he’s contemplating everything he’s just learned. “I guess that’s kind of genius to want to prepare for the first person you’ll be with.”
“No, I wanted to be ready foryou,” I tell him, letting my fingers slide over his chest, along his shoulders. I need him to understand he’s always been the only one.
“Me?” His voice is hoarse, shocked. Eyes wide, not in panic, but surprise.
“Yes, you. I’ve only ever wanted you. Everything I have donewas with you in mind.” I sit up, serious. “I know it might sound like too much or kind of weird. But it’s not, I promise. I just knew from the first time I saw you, that you were special. You were going to be the one for me.”
Kija raises up, eye level with me. “How could you possibly have known that?”
Crawling into his lap, I take his face in my hands. “Was I wrong? We’re here now. And I still think you’re the one.”
He stares at me for a long moment, our eyes locked on each other. He must find whatever he’s searching for, because as he pulls me into a possessive kiss, deep and slow, I swear I can feel all of the pieces finally falling into place.
He’s mine.
THIRTEEN
KIJA
Ican’t stop thinking about it.
The utter and absolute certainty that Sun had about me. From the beginning. I had known he had a crush, but I had no idea the level of commitment that he had to the idea that I was The One.
I don’t understand it. Truthfully, it even sounds a little bit crazy to know that he was in so deep foryearswithout me, just waiting for me. That sort of dedication is overwhelming, if I really try to get my head around it.
But when I’m with him, I feel it. The magnetic draw—that staticky frequency of arousal and desire that crackles and pops between us. And I see it every time he looks at me. I can find it right there in his eyes—the lust simmering just above the affection.
Maybe it was just a physical reaction at first—for him and for me. I don’t really know. It’s more than that now. The attraction that I feel for him is different than anything I’ve ever felt before. Not because he’s a man, but for the simple fact that I want him.
I want to know him and let him knowme. I want to keep him around me—with me. I’ve never had a problem letting go of any of the women I’ve been with. Even with theones I liked the best, it was easy. Moving on from him? I can already tell it would be difficult in a way that I’m not sure I would handle all that well.
I may never really know why he decided it was me that he wanted, but I’m glad he did. I’m glad his belief was enough to stick it out and hold on to hope.
Checking the time on my phone, I wonder if I should have done more to get ready for tonight. He’s staying over again, and I’ve been looking forward to it since we made the plan a few days ago. I like having him to myself like this, continuing to learn who he is on his own, outside of RYSING, but also who he is with me.
And who I am with him.
I’ve definitely had women refer to me as their boyfriend before, but I never felt like that was quite right. We were never that serious, maybe not even exclusive. I enjoyed their company and then we parted ways without much fuss.
So I’ve never really beenherebefore.
