Maybe I do blush, because I feel the tips of my ears heatingup. I’ve always been pretty confident about being intimate with someone, even as a teenager when I had no business having any confidence. But now, the uncertainty of it all is taking up an unwelcome amount of space in my brain. Every time I talk to Sun or hear him say my name in that way he does, or when he tells me everything he wants me to do to him, I panic. “I don’t know what to do,” I admit. “I don’t want to hurt him.”
Pressing his hand to his chest about where his heart would be, Jase sighs. “You really are boyfriend material, Kija. Damn.”
“But I don’t even know where to start,” I tell him, picking up a cube of pickled radish.
“I am only taking this moment because I have to.” He smiles at me and says, “I’m going to help you, but I need to hear the words.”
I recognize what he’s doing immediately—saying the same thing to me that I had told him when he was trying to figure his shit out with Nikko. I let him have it, though. It’s not often our roles are reversed like this. “Tell me what I need to know,” I request, then quickly add, “Please.”
“Whatever you’re worried about, you’re probably overthinking it,” Jase comments. “While I don’t know for a fact, I assume the only difference in having anal sex with a woman versus a man really is the prostate. You’re definitely going to want to find that. I can show you, but maybe not in the middle of the restaurant.”
He says it so casually, twirling his noodles before shoveling some in his mouth. I guess this is the part where I have to be honest. “I, uh… I’ve never… tried that.”
Jase stops, mid-chew, eyes wide. “Oh. Um. Sorry. I just assumed you’d have done, like, all the things.”
“I’m a pretty vanilla guy,” I tell him, voice pitched lower than normal as I stare at my bowl of bibimbap. “And I’ve never been in any kind of relationship long enough to feel comfortable asking someone to try.”
He smiles again, a little teasing but a lot affectionate. “I have to say, I’m surprised. But this is awesome. For once I get to be the one that knows things!”
I can’t help but laugh at his genuine delight at getting to be my gay sex guru. “Yes, you have all the experience here. Now share some of it with me.”
There’s silence as he takes two more bites, his expression thoughtful, like he’s in Teacher Mode and is working on some lesson plan. Finally he asks, “Okay, so where do you want to start? I just jumped right to penetration, but what about blow jobs?”
“I mean, we already… Sun gave me…” I stammer and I think my face might actually be on fire. For all the blushing I hadn’t done in the past, I’m making up for it now. “I’ve only ever been the recipient.”
“Yeah, that I figured, but do you want to learn about that, too?” He’s leaning in, poised to listen with such focus that I almost expect him to start taking notes.
There’s that part of me that can’t believe I don’t have more doubts about whether or not I want to be able to give a guy good head. I want to be the best partner I can in every way—someone who takes care of him both in bed and out. “Yeah.”
Jase cups his hand around his mouth like he’s being secretive, but barely lowers his volume. “How do you feel about eating ass?”
Like I can’t help but imagine doing just that any time I see Sun walk by. “Decent, I guess. It seems like I should be able to… transfer some skills I already have?”
He gets that look again, pondering. “I think I could see how that might be kind of similar. Again, no actual personal evidence, but either way you’re using your tongue to…”
I reach across the table to shush him. I can’t have any more of this conversation here. “Finish your food. This tutorial needs to relocate.”
Jase makes extremely quick work of what’s left on his plate and dashes off to pay the bill before I can chug the rest of my drink. It’s funny how enthusiastic he is, so excited about being able to educate me. There’s literally no one else in the world I would trust with this, and again I’m reminded of how much I appreciate him.
“C’mon!” He all but tugs me out of my seat and pulls me toward the door. “We have a stop to make on the way to your place.”
For a moment I’m afraid he’s going to tell me we’re going to some sort of adult toy store, and I just don’t think I’m ready to stand around and compare dildos or whatever with him. “What? Why? Where?”
He grins, and I swear it looks devious, totally out of character on his face. “We’re going to buy some bananas.”
???
I talk him out of the bananas.
Standing in the convenience store, watching him gesture with the entirely too phallic fruit had brought our friendship to a line I just did not need it to cross. “You’re kidding.”
“I am very much not kidding,” he insists, gesturing with a banana in both hands “This will be good for you. Hands, well, mouth-on learning.”
“I’m a quick study. I don’t need this imagery as part of my life experience,” I tell him,
grabbing at his wrists to hold him still.
“This can’t be how girls learn,” I muse out loud, embarrassed at the very idea.
