“You don’t have to do this, May. We can send someone else. Anyone else.”
“I want to go. Ineedto go. I’m just…not ready.”
“I understand.” He fell silent and held me tighter.
One week since the caravan robbery, and I had not been spared the memory of men screaming for a single moment. The sight of the burning wagon still replayed in every dream, every night. As hard as I had tried to push aside my guilt and horror, to focus on what needed to be done, it had caught up with me. The last two days, I’d been battling a high fever, and had been ordered to stay in bed by no less than four people.
But now, it was time to face the outside world again.
Meanwhile, Devil and the Hollow’s other residents had worked tirelessly to glamour each and every prisoner just enough for them to return to Nottingham, collect their families and belongings, then flee the city. Devil told me he had even managed to glamour the horses so they wouldn’t be recognized as belonging tothe Prince. Quince had gone first, carrying a message to Sissi that an ‘anonymous citizen’ wished to help Locksley pay their new taxes. A similar message had gone to Tuck, but neither had been told exactly who they would be meeting. Now, I had to prepare myself to face them both—to offer some sort of explanation for my long absence, for the change in my appearance, and for the chest of gold crowns I would be bringing with me.
I rolled to face Devil, pushing stray copper curls away from his face. His eyes closed and he leaned into my touch, then into my soft kiss.
“I hate seeing you like this,” he whispered. “You did the right thing, May. Surely, you must know that?”
“I do…but I also see the cost of doing the right thing every time I close my eyes.”
“Titania would have killed the prisoners too if you had not stayed her hand.”
“I know,” I muttered. “Butthisis the humanity I was so afraid of losing, Devil. I sacrificed those men to her without even trying to find another way. I was taught mercy. I want tobelievethat mercy is the right way, but…what if it isn’t? And what if I cannot let go of that part of myself?”
“I know what you want to hear me say,” Devil sighed, “that we will find a way for mercy and justice to coexist peacefully, but…”
“But you are not a creature of mercy,” I murmured. “I remember. So what am I supposed to do? Abandon my humanity? Then I will be just like her…”
“Titania was not born this way,” Devil reminded me. “She was once a creature of great mercy, like you. Do not forget that. But meting out mercy and justice according to your own instincts does not make you a monster. Is it your instincts that say what you did was wrong? Or is it this narrow definition of humanity you insist on clinging to?”
I could not answer, so I just shook my head slowly, then buried my face in his chest again.
“Oh, May,” he sighed. “I would simply see you leave behind the parts of your past that no longer serve you.”
“Such as my ability to feel guilt?” I asked, my voice muffled by his shirt.
“Yes, perhaps,” Devil laughed. I pulled my face back to glare at him, but he just kissed the tip of my nose, then rolled off the bed. I watched from the pillows as he put my kettle on the stove to make tea.
“Have you and Ceres conjured up an excuse for me to feed Oberon?”
“His Lordship has preoccupied himself lately with the issue of our mysterious cave full of rotten Archer’s Cup. He will hardly miss you for half a day.”
“I hope you’re right,” I muttered. “And Helena? Has she given you anything useful?”
“In between bottles of wine?” said Devil dryly, leaning against the edge of my desk. “No. She seems much more concerned with finding winged men who might be willing to fuck her.”
“She’s been through more than we can possibly imagine,” I admonished, finally sitting up.
Only hours after the caravan robbery, I had gone to the Hollow, ready to use more of my healing gift. Most of the prisoners bore only minor injuries or scrapes, several dislocated fingers, and one broken nose. But when Aliena and I had taken Helena up to the falls so she could bathe, we’d discovered just how monstrous her father really was. Beside the cracked ribs I’d already healed, and being half-starved, her entire back had been whipped raw with what I guessed to be a leather belt. I’d done everything in my power to heal the wounds, but could do nothing about the ruthless scars left behind. It was yet another sight, and another cloak of guilt, I would not soon be able to shed.
“I know,” Devil said, “but sheisbecoming a bit of a menace. I think Jon might actually be afraid of her. We will need to make a decision soon as to her fate.”
I sighed, pushing myself out of the bed and wandering over to my wardrobe. “I won’t return her to her father, but…keeping her here doesn’t feel safe either.”
“Perhaps we should send her to Rykard.”
“What good would that do?”
Devil shrugged. “Heisher uncle, and is known for harboring his countrymen as refugees in Messina.” I raised an eyebrow and he cocked his head. “Is he not?”
“When did you become such an expert on human politics?” I asked with a snort, pulling various pieces of clothing out and tossing them on the bed.
