I get out of my truck and head inside the back door of the house, hearing the TV on in the living room as I close the door behind me. So I kick off my shoes and walk down the hall towards the sound.
Dad looks up from his seat on the couch when I enter the living room and smiles. “Hey, bud. I didn’t think you were coming down tonight.”
“Yeah.” I drop onto the other end of the couch, my eyes landing on whatever’s playing on the TV. “I was just on my way home.”
I feel Dad’s eyes on me, so I look over at him as he takes in my clean clothes with an eyebrow raised.
“What did you get up to?” he asks.
I bring my attention back to the TV and shift against the cushions. “Went out for a beer… with Levi.”
There’s a beat of silence before Dad lets out a soft, “Ah.”
But he doesn’t say anything else.
I keep my gaze on the TV, not even paying attention to it as thoughts swirl in my head, and I try to make sense of the confusion I’ve been feeling all night.
And the confusion I’ve been feeling my whole life.
The questions I always ask myself, but can never find the courage to ask anyone else.
Why am I like this? And why is it so hard to change?
“Why did you adopt me?”
The words are out of my mouth before I even realize what I said.
My heart thumps wildly as that question hangs in the air between us, but I just turn my head towards Dad and don’t even try to take it back.
Dad assesses me for a moment with a slight crease in his brow. “You know why.”
I nod slowly. “Yeah. Mom couldn’t…” I trail off, shifting my gaze out the dark window behind him as I try to force the next question back down and lock it away again. But I can’t.It just continues to fight its way out, so I give in. “But why me? Why did you choose me?”
Dad reaches forward, grabbing the remote from the coffee table to turn the TV off. Then he leans back against the couch, turning to face me. “You’ve never asked this before.”
“I know,” I say, forcing myself to keep looking at him, and not look away. To show him I can handle this.
“You’ve made it pretty clear you didn’t want to know much about your adoption,” he adds carefully.
I swallow and nod. “I do now.”
Dad hesitates as he tilts his head and studies me for a moment. “Silas, where is this coming from?”
I turn my head to look out the window on the far side of the room, where I can see the faint glow from the windows of Levi’s house down the road.
“I want to know why someone would want me.”
I keep my gaze out the window, and I feel Dad shift on the couch as he stays silent a bit longer.
“I knew from the moment I saw your picture that you were my son,” he says eventually.
I bite the inside of my cheek and fight the emotion building inside me as I look back at him. He just watches me with a softsmile, and the easy look he always wears to show me he’s telling the truth.
“How?” I ask quietly.
He pulls a breath in and pauses, his blue eyes looking into mine like he’s trying to see how much of this I can handle.
But I need to hear it.
