“Morning,” I say, shoving my hands in my pockets and shifting my weight on my feet.
The door opens behind him, and Mama steps out in her housecoat with a smile and a paper bag. But when her eyes land on me, her smile falls and her brow creases. “What?”
“What?” Papa asks, glancing at her, then back to me.
I look between them, just as confused. “What?” I ask.
Mama steps forward, motioning for me to come up the steps. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I say, trying my best to make it look like I don’t want to run away and hide all day.
But Mama doesn’t buy it. She tilts her head with the look she always used to give me when I tried to hide school suspensions from her. The look that saysfess up right now.
I sigh and glance out at the farm. “Levi is coming on the tractor with me this morning.”
After a beat of silence, Papa leans forward in his chair. “Ah.”
I feel his eyes on me, so I slide my gaze to him, and he cocks an eyebrow.
“And the reason for this excursion?” he asks.
“To show me how to use the new… screen… thing,” I say, and release a breath of frustration. Fuck, I don’t even know what it’s called. How the fuck am I going to be able to use this? Do Iuseit or just read it? I don’t understand what this even is…
Papa nods and sets his coffee on the side table. “Silas, when I first started running equipment, our guidance system was someone standing at the edge of the field, yelling if I drifted too far.”
Mama chuckles softly, and I watch Papa as he looks over the field in front of the house with a smile.
“Then we got foam markers. And that felt like the best thing that ever could have happened.” He looks at me again. “But then it became GPS lines, and we started using yield monitors and soil maps. Every few years, something new showed up.”
I nod, feeling the thump of my heart against my ribs at that thought.
“But it never replaced the farmer,” he continues. “Because even though these machines can now do so much and give us all the numbers we need to make the best decisions we can… they can’t understand the land for us. Technology doesn’t erase knowledge, Silas. What we know about soil and crops doesn’t disappear just because a monitor spits a number out.” He points at me as he leans back in his chair. “It’s just another tool for the toolbox.”
My gaze drifts out to the field, and I pull in another breath as my pulse picks up again, and my fingers curl in my pockets until my knuckles ache.
“Or is there something else that has you feeling nervous?” Papa asks.
My eyes flick back to him, and he just nods when I don’t say anything.
Mama steps forward, holding out the paper bag with my breakfast as she squeezes my arm. “All you have to do is be your perfect self,” she says softly.
I give her a smile as I take the bag. “Thanks, Mama.” Then I look at Papa, still sitting in the rocking chair. “You coming?”
He observes me for a moment, then settles back in the chair with a small shrug and a shake of his head. “Nah. I think I’ll finish my coffee here this morning.”
My eyes narrow as I take in the travel mug, the boots on his feet, and his farm jacket. He was going to come.
But I know what he’s doing. He’s not going to let me hide behind him.
He waves a hand to dismiss me with a small smile pulling at his lips. “Go. Fields aren’t tilling themselves.”
I roll my eyes as Mama chuckles and pats my back, and I turn to head back down the stairs. And my heart starts thumping again.
With each step towards the garage, the urge to turn and run back to my cabin grows. Why did I agree to this? I can’t do this.
Why can’t I do this?
My hands start trembling, and my palms turn sweaty as hot tingles spread up my arms, and each step feels like it weighs a thousand pounds.
