“I’m sorry, Silas. I know this is hard.”
More tears fall as I nod. Itisfucking hard. And I wish I could just stop all of this. I don’t understand, and I know it’s coming from somewhere I can’t fully reach. Both Dad and my therapist tell me this all the time, and they both tell me it’s ok. But it doesn’t feel ok.
Dad pulls me into a hug, and I wrap my arms around him, pressing my forehead to his shoulder.
I wish I didn’t need so much help just to be a fucking human.
And I wish… I wish I could be happy that Levi was coming home.
Dad eventually releases me and squeezes my arm again as my tears slow and my breathing settles.
“You’re safe, Silas. I promise.”
I let those words swirl around me as my eyes shift out the window to the fields in the distance, and I release a shaky breath.
…am I?
EIGHTEEN
I head downstairsto the smell of fresh coffee and the first rays of morning light streaming in through the windows. And when I reach the kitchen, I stop as I’m met with wide smiles from my parents.
“Uh… morning,” I mumble, running my fingers through my sleep-tousled hair, and step forward to accept the coffee Dad holds out for me.
“Morning,” he says, and Mom’s smile grows even wider.
“Oh, I’m just so excited,” she says, clasping her hands in front of her chest like she’s physically holding herself back. Her eyes don’t leave me as I sit at the kitchen island and take a sip of my coffee. “I still can’t quite believe you’re here for good.”
I chuckle, then yawn as I rub a hand over my face. “It’s way too early in the morning for this,” I mutter.
Winston suddenly appears at the back door, pressing his nose to the glass as his tongue smears slobber all over it. Dad huffs a laugh and crosses the room to let him in.
“He was at this door the moment I woke up,” Dad says, stepping aside as Winston barrels into the kitchen, panting and wagging his tail so hard he can barely run straight. “I let him out,and he’s been in the backyard just running circles for the past half hour.”
Mom coos at him as she leans over to give him some love, and he looks up at her like she hung the sun in the sky herself, just for him.
I shake my head as I take another drink of coffee. If I thought he was a happy dog before, it’s nothing compared to his life in PEI now. And we’ve only been here a day.
“Breakfast?” Mom asks, opening the fridge and pulling out eggs.
“It’s alright, Mom,” I say. “You don’t have to cook for me.”
She just waves a hand and continues to pull out a pan.
“Really, though,” I press. “I’m not hungry this early in the morning.”
She shoots me a warning look over her shoulder, and I gesture outside, where the sun hasn’t even fully risen. When I agreed to workona farm, I didn’t realize I’d be workingactualfarm hours. While I do get to start later than the actual farmers, it’s still pretty fucking early. A 7:00 AM start time is going to take some getting used to.
Mom rolls her eyes and turns back to the counter. “Fine. But I’m packing you something for later.”
Dad smirks, giving me a look that says not to fight it.
“So,” he says casually, leaning back against the counter, “excited?”
I nod slowly, watching Winston pounce on his toy duck with both front paws. “Yeah…” I say. “And nervous.”
My brow furrows a bit as I surprise myself with that admission. Since I found out where I was going to be working, I haven’t really let myself think about it much more. I’ve put my entire focus on the move and ignored the work part… until now. Because in half an hour, I’ll be walking across the road, where I can no longer ignore it.
And yeah… I’m fucking nervous.
