He lets out a quiet chuckle as he finishes his loop and stops beside Dad. “Needs a good wash after sitting in the weeds for so long.”
Levi laughs with a nod, and his eyes flick towards me.
My heart is thumping so hard I swear everyone can hear it, and my hands shake as I stick them in my pockets. Doubt starts to rise and thoughts start to grow, slowly getting louder as they try to tell me not to do this. That if I do, I’ll lose my family.
But I take a deep breath and blow it out, shoving those thoughts down.
Because Iknowthey’re not true. And I’m doing this.
I meet Levi’s warm brown eyes and soft smile and find the courage I need.
Because courage comes from the heart. And he’s my heart.
“I want to tell you something,” I say, turning to Dad and Papa.
Their attention shifts to me, and Dad immediately furrows his brow, looking concerned.
I guess I’m not hiding my emotions as well as I hoped.
“What is it?” he asks.
Papa steps forward, eyeing me carefully and looking like he’s ready to jump into action if I need him.
I look between them, and some of the pressure in my chest eases as I take them in. I’ve always known they care about me, and that they love me. My whole family here on the farm does. But standing here now, in this moment where it feels like everything is on the line, I can see it clearly, and I can feel it. I know I have them. I always do.
“I’m with Levi,” I say.
Their gazes shift to Levi, then back to me, and I shake my head.
“I mean,” I start, glancing at Levi. “I… I love him.”
Papa’s brow furrows, and Dad just nods slowly.
Of course they know I love him. That’s never been a secret. But this is different now, and I know they’re not hearing what I mean.
“I…” I start again, but the words get stuck in my throat, and I release a frustrated noise. I don’t know how to say this.
Levi steps in beside me, placing his hand on my back as I take a few deep breaths and try to calm myself enough to just say it. The warmth of his touch spreads through me, giving me something solid to hold on to. And the second I latch onto the words, I spit them out.
“He’s my boyfriend.”
Dad’s eyes widen, and Papa’s gaze flicks to Levi.
And then… it’s just silence.
Fuck.
No… oh, no. No.
“I’m sorry,” I say quickly, shaking my head as I pull my hands out of my pockets and curl them into fists as something slams into my chest, sending a jolt of panic through my body.
My mind immediately starts racing with so many thoughts I can’t even hold onto a single one, and a desperate need risesinside of me to hold onto something. Anything. I just need them. I need Levi. I can’t do this. I can’t lose them.
“I’m sorry, I know, and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please don’t leave, I promise, I’ll… please, please, don’t?—”
“Silas.”
Dad’s hands close around my arms, and I didn’t even realize my eyes were shut.
