Even with just a pencil, this is incredible. He’s somehow captured the movement of the waves perfectly as they roll into shore and catch the glimmer of the lowering sun.
“I don’t know why I even bother,” Silas says, grabbing the drawing from me and curling his hands like he’s ready to crumple it.
“Don’t!” I quickly snatch it back. “Si, it’sreallygood. I promise.”
He doesn’t meet my eyes, and my heart hurts at the look on his face.
I know that look. I know exactly what’s swirling around in his head. He always thinks he’s failing at something. That he’s too much, and too hard to help. That nothing he makes or does will matter anyway. And while I know what happened at schooltoday didn’t help, he’s also struggling a bit more right now because he was supposed to be with his mom this week. But she had to go out of town for work. And for the past few months, it seems like she’s had to go away for work a lot more… on her weeks with Silas. Especially when he’s struggling more than usual.
I heard my parents talking about it recently. And it made me really mad. Because they said she doesn’t have a job that requires her to travel.
I guess if we were to find a bright side, it would be that he spends more time on the farm, staying with his grandparents and his dad, who are able to help him through the hard things. And he gets to spend more time with me.
But I’m still really sad for him.
I push to my feet and pull him up with me, turning him to look out the windows of the lighthouse. The sun continues to lower in the sky, burning deep gold across the horizon. The water reflects every streak of it, glowing deep orange near the water and fading into softer pinks as it blends upwards into the sky. The tide has rolled in almost all the way now, and the waves lap over the sand in lazy arcs while seagulls fly overhead. It’s late spring now, so the days are getting longer, and I think this might be my favourite time of year.
I look over at Silas and take in his face bathed in the soft orange sunlight. His hazel eyes glow as the brown flecks in them deepen into a rich gold, and the green brightens. Soft freckles dot his cheeks, more visible in this light than ever, and I can’t help but smile.
The longer days mean he gets to draw more sunsets. But it also means we get more time together.
“Try again,” I say, holding his drawing out to him.
He shifts his gaze out to the horizon and sighs. “No.”
I watch him as his eyes unfocus, and he seems to shut everything off. Like he’s escaping whatever it is he’s feeling.
He does that a lot.
I gently place a hand on his back and keep it there as he slowly comes back to me.
He turns to look into my eyes, and I give him a small smile. “Redwave would.”
He huffs a breath through his nose and glances at the floor where his sketchbook sits. The one that keeps all the comics we make.
I reach down and grab it, flipping it open to the most recent comic we made. Even at sixteen, we still have Redwave to help us through it all. He’ll never leave us. And Silas has gotten so good at drawing that the panels look like they belong in an actual comic book. Redwave looks like a real person now, and like someone we could actually meet.
Silas tilts his head to look at it. We made the last one because I was mad at Jade for telling Mom and Dad I snuck out of the house at night so Silas and I could go cow tipping at the Ferguson’s farm next door. I was already pissed that it didn’t work, because cows don’t tip over. And then Jade had to rat on me, and I was grounded all weekend.
A smile spreads across Silas’s lips as a small chuckle escapes him. “Fucking cows.”
“Fucking cows,” I agree with a laugh.
He pulls a breath in and takes the book from me. “He wants to hit the people who make him mad. But he can’t.”
I nod as a sad feeling settles over me at those words. “Yeah.”
He looks up at me. “And?”
I look into his eyes as they search mine, and I smile at him. He always knows when there’s something on my mind.
“He wants to know how to make decisions.”
His brow creases, and he tilts his head.
“Mr. Bell wants me to apply for IB next year,” I say. “To get ready for university.”
Silas’s eyebrows shoot up, then a wide smile spreads across his face. “That’s awesome.”
