Then, he leans down and lightly presses his lips to my broken skin.
When he pulls back, he sits on his knees and stares down at me. Waiting for me to say I’m ok.
But I don’t know how to answer that.
I’ve never been ok. Even though right now… I might be closer than I’ve ever been.
But I also know he’s not just asking about this moment. His question is bigger than that.
“I’ve always had it,” I say in a raspy voice.
His eyes drop to my neck again, then lift back to mine. I watch his thoughts pass through his eyes, although I’m not sure what they are.
But my being depressed apparently doesn’t bother him, since he just nods once, then stretches out on the bed beside me.
I stare up at the plain white ceiling as my breaths even out, and I let my eyes drift over the blank canvas… and try to picture clouds.
“The condom broke.”
I turn my head towards Alder, where he lays casually with one arm tucked behind his head as he stares up at the ceiling, like he just commented on the weather.
My gaze drops to his dick to see the broken condom, then flies back up to his.
“Are you… have you been tested…?” I start.
He turns his head to me and just shrugs.
“For fuck’s sake.” I rub a hand over my face, not even sure where to start. Imagining his sex life before this raises quite a few questions.
I groan, but the sound catches painfully in my throat.
And I start laughing.
Hard.
It crashes over me, and I let it steal my breath and twist through my chest until every inhale aches. My head is still spinning, my limbs are shaky, and the burn in my throat urges me on until my laughter is almost silent.
It hurts. And the hurt keeps it going.
Because this time, Ifeelit.
So I let it take me.
When the laughter finally begins to slow, I glance over at Alder. He’s watching me with one brow raised and a small, crooked smile.
But when our eyes meet, that smile breaks wide open, and something hungry flashes through his gaze.
He grabs the back of my head and pulls me in to crash his mouth against mine.
“Oh, baby,” he murmurs against my lips. “You’re the perfect kind of fucked up.”
TWENTY-FOUR
This bed is fuckingcomfy.
My eyes open as I adjust myself against the fluffy pillows and duvet, and my leg brushes against Cade’s. I let a smile spread over my lips as I feel him next to me, ready to make this a filthy fucking wake-up. But as I turn my head towards him, I pause.
He’s still asleep, and he looks… peaceful.
