ONE
The sounds of sighs,restless shifting, and the scratch of pencils fill the room as I lean back in my chair and stare out the window. My gaze follows the subtle movement of bare branches, just beginning to bud, as they sway in the breeze. Sunlight filters through them, spilling across the room in uneven patches of gold, and my fingers flex on instinct as the warmth brushes over them.
And I release a sigh of my own.
How fucking mundane.
I sweep my gaze over the roughly forty third-year physics students, hunched over their quantum mechanics midterms and looking like they’re halfway through a collective existential crisis. Why do they choose to do this to themselves? Better yet, why do I? There’s a whole world out there… but every Thursday, I continue to come to this room and walk them through Hilbert spaces and Schrödinger equations like they won’t forget every bit of it by the time they graduate. I swear half of them don’t even want to be here.
Myself included.
A hand goes up, and I already know who it is before I look.
Janine. The student who wants to be heretoomuch.
I let out another sigh, quieter this time, and make my way towards her.
She offers a nervous smile and angles her exam towards me. “Sorry,” she whispers, already wincing at my expression, which I’m apparently not doing a good job of hiding. “I just wanted to clarify here, in question twelve. When you say ‘expectation value,’ do you mean in the context of the position operator or the general observable?”
I glance between the question and Janine, and wonder if she’s being serious. She knows this. She’s the brightest student in my class, and looking over the work she’s already written out for this question, I can see she’s right on track. But she’s anxious and constantly second-guessing herself.
That’s annoying.
“You’ve got it,” I say flatly, nodding towards the paper. The question is clearly about 〈x〉, not a general observable, which is obvious if she took the time to read it. “Read it again.”
Her eyes widen, but she nods and drops her head to reread the question to herself.
I’m about to leave when I pause, looking down at her again. “Just… think about what’s being asked,” I add, keeping my voice low. “Trust yourself.”
Janine gives me a shy smile and a small nod. “Thanks, Dr. Cormier.”
I nod once and walk back to the front of the room, threading between rows of bent heads and twitching knees. The tension is so thick in here it could collapse into a singularity. All this stress, and all this effort… for what? A shot at a future where they’re either overworked in academia or underpaid in industry?
But I can’t say that out loud. Because my job is to teach them, and to shape the next wave of physicists, theorists, and lab rats… whether I want to or not.
The only reason I’m here at all is because the university is giving me what I need for my research. Lab access, funding, and the freedom to chase problems no one’s solved yet. My work on quantum thermodynamics & information is the only thing that seems to matter to me… that still feels likesomething.
And teaching is just the cost of admission.
I sink back into my chair and glance at my watch. “Five minutes,” I announce, and the scribbling intensifies.
Eventually, they start trickling forward, stacking their papers on my desk with nervous glances and mumbled goodbyes. And when the clock hits 4:00, about ten students are still hunched over their desks.
“Alright, time,” I call out.
Reluctant movement and some muffled groans follow as they shuffle forward.
And I’m both annoyed and, honestly, kind of pleased by that.
Annoyed, because they act like I’ve done something to them by expecting competence. Like it’s cruel to hold them to the standard they signed up for. But I can’t help but feel a bit pleased because at least it means they give a shit. They care enough to be stressed, so maybe I’m not completely wasting my time up here.
But as one student in particular approaches, I watch him.
Damian hesitates with his midterm in hand, hovering over the pile. I cock an eyebrow at him and wait. This is his redemption midterm, where he has the opportunity to prove that he finally gets it. But judging by his expression…
He meets my gaze for a fleeting moment, then sighs and lets the paper fall. Then he turns and walks away with his shoulders slumped.
Shit.
