“George,” she barked as my body came to a firm halt.
I stood there, my arms full, and the phone in my pocket once again vibrating.
I’d forgotten to turn that off. I should have. And now it was going off, andI…
“Can we step out for a minute,” someone said, holding their hand out as if to greet me.
The air in the room was thick. A vibe I recognised. This wasn’t good. Not friendly. Not safe and definitely not a vibe where pleasant words would be spoken. This was a room full of fake concern and bad ideas, and I wasn’t about to let it engulf me. Because I was better than this. I was stronger than this. Smarter.
I was loved.
For the first time ever, those words in my head made sense. He’d said them. And now, all of a sudden? I believed them. Because nothing else mattered here. Everything else was just puffs of air.
“He’s my floor manager,” Kirsten shrieked. “This is my company; it’s still my decision.”
Words of desperation. I’d been here long enough now to understand how she functioned under pressure. This room? A boiler about to blow.
“You can’t do this.” She barked. “You simply can’t.”
“I understand your frustration, but the fallout from the network contract breach means you are no longer funded, and we have to be seen to make the structural changes needed to reflect that. This production is being shut down with immediate effect, and as such...”
I had no idea who was speaking, some stranger in a suit, but it wasn’t important. And here I was, standing in the middle of the room with my hand held out in a weird stop gesture. My head held high. My back straight.
I was loved. I was so loved. And for a millisecond of enlightenment? I smiled. Because he loved me. He loved me and I loved him, and what the actual fuck? Why was I here when I should be with him? What was the point of all this terrible fear?
I loosened my tie. Swallowed. Took a deep breath.
“That’s it,” I said sternly. “Enough. Good luck and all that, but no more. This resource?”
I grinned. “Is out of here.”
“You can’t just leave!” Kirsten shouted.
“There are terms and conditions…” The suit in front of me spoke. Their mouth was moving. I wasn’t listening.
My life was truly a Lana del Rey song as I turned around and left, removing my ID from around my neck and letting it drop to the floor. I moved in slow motion, letting my hand comb through my hair. Papers falling to the floor as the sound of the tablet smashing felt like music to my ears.
Invisible backdrops. The beat dropping as I kicked the door open and walked outside.
Fear. Where was the fear?
I was good.
I was loved.
I had been such a fool thinking I could do this. It wasn’t for me. Never would be.
My phone was in my hand, and I clicked on the green. Smiled as the call connected.
“Hi, baby,” he said. I wanted to cry. I didn’t.
Bigger. Stronger. Smarter.
Better than this.
“I need you,” I said instead. “I love you and I need you. I need you to come get me, and I need all of this to change. Because I don’t want to be scared anymore. Not of you and not of this, and I want it all.”
“ ‘Video games’,” he said, and I burst out laughing.
