He looks nervous as he steps into the room and sits down on the edge of my bed. He’s close enough that I could touch him if I really wanted to, but we’re far enough apart that I couldn’t unless I reached out.
“I’ve been thinking a lot recently.” My heart starts to beat rapidly in my chest, and the look on his face makes me think that maybe this won’t be a good conversation. I suddenly feel nervous. I can’t answer him with words, so I just nod my head. “About us, about this, and everything else that’s been going on since you moved in.”
He gestures to the space between us. I’m not sure how to react; my throat is dry, my palms are sweaty.
“I don’t know what this is, and I don’t know how we should continue.”
“Oh…”
“Fuck, no…I’m not good with words.” He stumbles over his sentence. I can’t figure out if he’s trying to break up with me or not.
“It’s fine, I get it. You don’t want to do this anymore.”
“What? No, that’s not what I’m saying at all. Quite the opposite. It’s just…Look, you leave in a month.” He doesn’t look at me, and I watch him take a slow, deep breath. “You leave in a month, and I don’t know what that means for us when you do. Because I do want to keep doing this…with you.”
I pause. This is not how I was expecting this conversation to go. I didn’t think that it would go this way at all.
“You what?”
“I want to be with you.”
I stare at him for a long time. I’m pretty sure that my jaw is on the floor as well.Because what does he mean that he wants to be with me?
“No, you don’t,” I say, shaking my head and standing up. I’m about four seconds away from a huge crash out.
Now that he’s said the words, I have to accept them. And when I accept them, I will just get more attached to him than I already am, and that’s not a good thing.
What good could possibly come from this?
I will never be good enough for him. This isn’t what he wants. He just needs to get out there and explore his options. I am not a good fit for him.
He grabs me and presses his lips to mine.
It instantly shuts off the voices in my head. His big hands cup my face, and he kisses me like I’m worth something. Like I matter to him.
My hands come up and latch onto his wrists. I hold him there, and I kiss him back.
He pulls away and rests our foreheads together. “If you don’t want this, say it.”
I can’t say anything. All I can think about is how I want him to kiss me again. How I want to feel him against me.
“I’m not good,” I whisper.
“You are good, baby. You are so fucking good.”
He kisses my forehead and looks into my eyes. His pupils are dilated, and his stare is so intense that it almost makes me want to believe him.
“Please let me show you how good we can be,” he whispers, his eyes holding mine as his thumbs gently brush against my cheeks.
“But…but what about everything?”
“We’ll figure it all out later, right now I just want to be with my girl.”
“Your girl?” I whisper, a small smile finding its way onto my face.
“Mygirl,” He confirms, pressing us together.
“I like the way that sounds,” I whisper as he follows me down onto the comfy mattress.
