“Just the one,” I tell him honestly.
“Can I ask why?”
He lies down next to me and gently takes my hand in his, lacing our fingers together.
I want to pull away. I want to run away and hide. Because this right here is the reason why.
It’s been three days of complete and utter silence from him. I don’t understand. One second, he’s kissing me, telling me I’m beautiful, cuddling me on the couch, and the next, he’s making it his goal to avoid me at all costs.
It hurts a lot more than I want to admit.
I finally found some kind of companionship in a person, and I’ve ruined it. That’s what I do, I poison everything good around me.
“You really wanna know, Beckett? You wanna know why I drank onewholebeer?” I ask with a small, bitter laugh.
“Yeah, I do,” he whispers, rolling onto his side so that he can look at me.
I want to look at him, I want to see his eyes. Maybe have him pull me closer. I hate that I’m willing to forgive him so easily, that I’m willing to just forget the way he’s made me feel the last few days.
But I guess that’s what happens when you’re lonely. You’ll do anything if it means you have someone to sit in the quiet with you.
“You,Beckett. You are the reason why,” I whisper, finally rolling onto my side to face him. “You’re so fucking confusing. One minute you’re great, we’re laughing, talking, and you’re holding my hand. Then the next minute, you’re cold and not talking to me. Shutting me out like I don’t even exist.”
“Do you want to know why?” he whispers, pulling me closer to him.
His eyes find mine in the dark, the porch light casting a small glow onto our faces. He looks good right now, like he does all the time. He’s freshly showered, wearing a plain tee and some sweats.
“Yeah,” I whisper, letting him pull me closer. Our chests almost touching, our noses just inches apart.
“Because I can’t help myself when I’m around you. I want things that I shouldn’t, and the closer I get to you, the harder it is for me to push you away.”
“Then don’t push me away,” I whisper, my eyes closing as his lips almost brush mine. They are so close that I could lean forward the smallest amount, and I would be able to capture them.
“You have no idea how much I want to do that. But I can’t, Sloane, your dad…”
I let out a frustrated huff. He’s right. I know we shouldn’t do this. There are so many things that are wrong with this, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting him. “I don’t give a fuck about Briar. What has he ever done for me other than make my life miserable?” I ask.
He reaches over and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, and I can’t help but lean into his touch.
“Sloane…”
“Please, just one more kiss.”
Famous last words, apparently, because that’s what I said a few days ago.Can you blame me, though?I just want to knowwhat it feels like to be kissed by someone who wants me as much as I want them.
“We shouldn’t,” he whispers, pulling me flush against him. His fingers tangle into my hair as he pulls our foreheads against each other.
“Do you want to?” I murmur, our lips nearly touching.
“You already know the answer to that.”
His other arm wraps around me, giving me no room to escape. No way to wiggle out of his grasp even if I wanted to, but I don’t. I like being this close to him, a lot more than I want to admit.
“Then what’s the problem?”
“If I start, I don’t think that I’ll be able to stop,” he whispers, pulling my leg up around his hip. I can feel just how much this is already affecting him.
I gasp as I feel the size of him, the way he’s not even all the way hard yet, and he feels huge.
