“Yes,” she whispers, and I capture her lips in a rough kiss. One that’s mostly teeth and a little tongue.
When we pull apart, we’re both breathing heavy, and I rest my forehead against hers.
We stay like that for a few minutes, just enjoying the feeling of being close to each other.
“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” I whisper, pulling away and kissing her nose.
“I might have some idea,” She whispers, resting her head in my chest. I hug her back, resting my head on top of hers and just breathing her in.
Mocha runs around like a tiny madman, rolling in the dirt and chasing anything that moves.
“I couldn’t have asked for a better way to spend my day,” she says, as we lie on the blanket, my arm under my head as she lies curled into my side, her leg draped over my hips, and her head resting on my chest.
“Me either,” I whisper, lacing our fingers together.
We watch the clouds and enjoy the sunset, staying up in our little heaven until the sun is gone and it gets a little chilly.
We pack up and head back to the house.
I fall asleep with her in my arms and Mocha by my feet. I feel at peace.
This is how it should’ve been, all week. I feel bad that it wasn’t, but all that matters right now is that she’s here, I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.
39
SLOANE
He walks into the house Wednesday night, his body slow and dragging slightly. I can tell that he didn’t have a good day.
“Come here,” I say, setting my laptop down. He stares at me for a long time before he kicks his shoes off and approaches me.
I lay down on the couch and open my arms up for him. He looks at me for a few long seconds, like he’s fighting with himself over the fact if he should do it or not. He gives in, shrugging off his dress shirt, and he lies down on top of me.
“I need my Rocco,” he whispers. I try not to overreact, but my breath catches in my throat, and I just tighten my arms around him. He sighs. “It’s a lot sometimes. The weight of the expectation to bring home everyone that goes missing, to find all the killers, and to give the families something to hope for. It’s been a lot to be the head detective and to let everyone down, when you can’t find whoever it is that you’re looking for.”
He goes quiet again, like he’s collecting his thoughts. I don’t speak, I just let him say what he needs to when he figures out what he’s trying to say.
“The teenager that went missing…we found him. But he didn’t make it.” His voice cracks, and I suck in a breath.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, and he clings to me a little tighter.
“It made me think of Mason. How I never know what he’s doing, or where he is. I’d never know he was gone until it was too late,” he whispers, taking in a shaky breath.
“He’s not missing, he’s ok. Mason is exactly where he’s supposed to be. I know it’s hard. He’s strong. He can handle himself.”
“I let the whole family down,” he whispers, and I feel him cling to me. In this moment, seventeen years of pain hit me. Every single person that he hasn’t brought home, he carries around like a personal scar, a personal failure.
“You gave them closure.”
“But their kid is gone.” The broken noise he lets out hits me like a fucking train, and I’m not sure how I hold it together.
“At least they can give him the funeral he deserves. Yes, it’s horrible. Maybe you didn’t save him, but now his family doesn’t have to bury an empty casket. You did what you could. You cannot control the evil things that people do. You cannot fault yourself for giving everything you can to this job.”
“It’s not enough,” He whispers.
“It’s enough for me.”
“How can you say that? I didn’t save them.”
