My eyes dance over the preexisting scars, tonight confirming in my mind what I already know; she used to self-harm. I have no idea what would have caused her to start doing it again, but you never know what’s going on inside someone’s head.
My thumb gently traces over one of the bigger cuts, and I feel myself start to tear up even more. I can’t believe I missed this, that I wasn’t there for her when she needed me most.It’s all my fault.
“When?” I manage to get out through my choked throat.
“Yesterday,” she whispers. All I can do is nod my head.
Yesterday, while she was alone. No wonder she didn’t want to stay home by herself today. I feel horrible as I look down at them.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, her voice cracking. And for the first time in several minutes, I look at her.
“You don’t have to apologize,” I whisper. She reaches up and wipes one of my tears away, one that I hadn’t even felt slip down my cheek.
“Yes, I do. I’m sorry for being broken. I’m sorry for not being strong enough to fight off all the voices in my head. I’m so sorry that you have to be the one who sees me like this,” she rambles, but I shake my head.
I reach out and gently pull her pants back up her legs before pulling her into my lap. She doesn’t fight me; she rests her forehead against my chest.
“You don’t ever have to be sorry for feeling the way that you do. I just wish that you had come to me when you needed help…” I stare at her beautiful face. “I’ll never be mad at you for trying to find something that makes you feel something,” I whisper, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head.
“I know I should’ve, but I was scared, and I didn’t know what to do,” she mumbles.
“It’s ok. Just call me, I don’t care what I’m doing, just call meplease.”
“I’ve already inconvenienced you so much this summer.”
“You are not, and will never be, an inconvenience in my life, pretty girl. You have no idea how much you mean to me, and how much it hurts that I wasn’t there to help you.”
She looks up at me, and she cups my face in her hands, using her thumbs to brush away a few more tears.
“I can’t lose you,” I whisper.
I’m not sure where the words come from, but I know that they are true—I can’t lose her. I was not much of a person before I met her. Just the thought of her leaving tears me apart inside.
“You won’t. I’m yours, Beck,” she whispers. There are no words in the English language to explain how I’m feeling, so instead I just press my lips to hers in a deep kiss. My hands tangle in her hair as I kiss her, claiming her as mine. When we pull away, all I can do is just look at her, admire how strong and beautiful that she really is.
“Briar isn’t my father,” she whispers suddenly. “And I’m pretty sure Monica wants you to be my new stepdad.”
“Wait,what?”
34
SLOANE
YESTERDAY AFTERNOON…
My first day alone in almost two weeks. I’m feeling ok, I think. I’m honestly not really even sure how I’m supposed to feel.
I feel like I’ve checked every lock and window in the house at least a dozen times. Mocha just follows me around like he has no idea why I’m acting so crazy. I just pick him up, kiss his head, then walk around and check all the locks again.
I am finally able to get myself to calm down enough to make something for breakfast.
Putting on a TV show and playing music helps make the house seem not so fucking quiet.
I’m in the middle of putting my pancakes onto a plate whenMONICAflashes across the screen. My brows scrunch in confusion.Why the fuck is she calling me?
I think about ignoring it, but she might be dying. So I pick it up and accept the call, putting her on speaker.
“Hello?”
