Hold for four seconds.
Notice where my body connects to the chair and push back against the firm points.
I continue the repetitions until the panic subsides and my nervous system calms. I can do this.I am in control.
“It won’t be as bad?”
“Definitely not,” Sofia promises, her tone earnest and reassuring. “Just let it happen. Lean into it; allow your tiger to take what she needs.”
My tiger encourages me to listen to Sofia. She tells me I can trust her. There’s a connection that I can’t explain, but it’s there. Strong and steady. I nod once and then pull off the hoodie I’m wearing and take off my sneakers.
“Do you want us to stay, or do you want to do it alone?” Emily asks softly.
“Stay, please,” I say as I strip off the rest of my clothes.
Then I wait. And wait some more. Goosebumps prickle my skin as I remain standing, naked in the sitting room of Emily and Jackson’s home.
But nothing happens.
“How do I do it?” I ask as a flush spreads up my chest and inadequacy skitters down my spine. Admitting I don’t know what to do in front of these women who have been doing this for years is humiliating. The fact that I am standing naked in front of a former patient only adds to the shame burning me from the inside out.
But then Sofia’s voice—sure and calm—cuts through the excruciating embarrassment, filled with the same strength her brother conveys.
“Close your eyes, Maya. Visualize your tiger in your mind's eye. Ask her what she wants.”
“She wants Ryan,” I answer immediately. It’s like I have opened a doorway to her and let her in. She pushes against me, but instead of pushing back—instead of ignoring her like I always have—I allow her to make her presence known. My spine arches, and then my bones begin to crack, filling the silence with sickening crunches. All at once, my form changes—hair shoots out of my skin, my body hinges forward, and the cool timber floor feels alien beneath what are now paws.
There’s pain, and then it’s gone. The process, unlike the first time, lasted only seconds.
“Beautiful,” Sofia murmurs from somewhere in the room, and I think it’s Emily who gasps.
My hearing is sharper, and when I open my eyes, I see everything with a clarity I could never have imagined. Like the world is in high definition. Sofia opens the door, and I step outside, my paws moving unconsciously forward. A slight breeze ruffles my fur and carries with it the scents of other shifters and a familiarity that I crave in this moment of newness.
I turn around, testing the feline movements of the animal and taking in Sofia and Emily watching me with soft smiles on their faces. They whisper words of encouragement I can hear as clearly as if they were shouting.
And then there’s that tug, pulling me forward, urging me to find him. My mate.Mine.
As if even thinking of him has conjured him up, there he is. His dark brown wolf tumbles into the clearing, breathing hard, and he’s followed by two other wolves, one black and the other a lighter shade of brown. I inhale, and my tiger knows from the scents I picked up earlier that they are Luca and Jackson. Now that I’m not fighting her, I see how much she has to share with me. How much I can learn from her if I stop suppressing what has always been inside me.
I pad closer to Ryan, circling him and nudging against him. My tail wraps around his smaller form as if it has a mind of its own. He smells even better in this form, and it doesn’t make sense; we aren’t even the same species. But all I know, without a shadow of a doubt, is that Ryan Rivera is mine.
The other wolves take a wide berth when moving toward Sofia and Emily, standing between us protectively. Sofia scoffs and rolls her eyes at the unnecessary gesture of security before standing up and announcing they will give us privacy. She stalks away, and Luca’s wolf follows her like an oversized puppy while Emily and her brown wolf slip inside their home.
Ryan’s wolf lets out a whimper as he nuzzles against me. I can smell hisemotions: fear and anger and sadness warring for dominance, but also awe and affection. A pang of melancholy hits me right in the chest as the realization of how much I have been missing out on lands. I spent years wishing away a part of me, associating the animal inside me with a fear I allowed to control me.
I should have embraced it. She could have guided me to others of my kind, if only I hadn’t fought her so hard. I let out a low rumble, and Ryan leans into me, his presence a soothing balm against the grief of how much I have lost.
His presence offers a reassurance that no words ever could. He’s huge for a wolf, but I’m also huge for a tiger, and my form dwarfs his. For the first time since meeting him, I don’t want or need to be dominated. I feel powerful. Beautiful.
In control.
I don’t know how to communicate in this form, so instead, I slink into the forest cover and shift back into my human form. It’s easier this time, almost natural. There’s still a bite of pain, but when that’s mixed with desire, it’s almost welcome.
I turn and observe Ryan’s wolf for only a few seconds before he shifts back into human form, and it's the man standing before me. Mud and dirt extend up his arms and legs, along with some pink scratches that seem to fade before my eyes. The old me would have balked at the dirt. But not anymore. None of it matters. What matters now is that his cock is hardening as he stares back at me, and Ineedhim.
My breath comes in labored pants, as does his. “Your tiger is beautiful, Kitten. Powerful and majestic, just like your human form.”
“Thank you,” I say, stepping forward, closing some of the distance between us.
