“I need to go,” I say, abruptly pulling away from him and rushing back toward my table.
“Sorry, Pippa. I’m not feeling well. I’m going to head out, but I’ll catch you soon.”
“Wh—”
I cut her off with a shake of my head and grab my bag before practically running out of the restaurant. Once outside, I lean back against the wall, breathing deeply and trying to ground myself. When I feel a modicum of control return, I walk back to my office, feeling the prickling sensation of eyes on me the entire way. I don’t look around. I don’t need to.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ryan
My wolf is restless, pacing inside me and pushing me to turn around and drive back to Maya. But nothing could keep me away from the pack and my little sister’s first time leading a run on the full moon.
Still, with every mile I drive away from my mate, my wolf becomes more on edge. The distance from her is pushing me back toward the madness that has plagued me for the past two years. With every passing month, I had felt myself declining further and further. My wolf became more feral as the need to find our mate became intolerable.
And yet, as much as it pains me to drive away from Maya, I’m going home. The next time I make this trip, I need her with me. I don’t think I’d survive it again. Sex with her is keeping me sane—for now—but the need to claim her fully is borderline unbearable. I can’t, though. Not until I know what the hell is going on with her.
I roll down my window and slow my car as I approach the Lunar Eclipse border, but the wolves on patrol don’t stop me as I drive in. I’m still part of the pack, even though I’m not their alpha anymore. That’s Sofia now.
The smell of the forest floats into the car—pine and moss and home. It grounds me while simultaneously reminding me of the frustration I felt every time I returned in the past. Every time I went looking for my mate, only to come home defeated and alone, feeling my sanity slowly ebbing away like grains of sand in an hourglass.
I’ve found her now. I just need to make her mine.
The gravel crunches under my feet as I walk up to Luca and Sofia’s home. She could have taken the alpha house, but I don’t think she wants to accept the role long-term. Not yet anyway.
Luca answers when I ring the doorbell, his mouth dropping in shock at seeing me for the first time in nearly a month. “Ryan?”
A loud squeal pierces the air, and Sofia rushes toward me, launching into my arms in a ferocious hug. “You came! I know I asked, but I didn’t think you actually would.” Her voice trembles with excitement, and it guts me knowing how I’ve essentially abandoned her.
“And miss my little sister’s first full moon pack run as Alpha? Never,” I say, giving her a squeeze before I move into the cabin with my arm still around her shoulders. I nod to Jackson and Emily who are here too, and guilt hits me at seeing Jackson after how I acted toward him only weeks ago. Sofia melts into me, and the salty tang of her tears has more guilt churning in my stomach. I should call more often and check in. Help her in the role. But she’s been killing it by all accounts.
“Okay,” Sofia says, clapping her hands together. “Can you get the steaks on, Luca? I don’t want to be late for leading my first run!”
“Yes, Alpha,” he says with a smirk, looking at her like she’s the most magnificent thing in the world. I’m happy for them. Jackson and Emily, too. We all grew up together, but Fates, it’s hard being the only one of our group unmated. Unclaimed. I trail behind my best friends, suddenly feeling removed from our group.
“So, how close are you to convincing that mate of yours to going on a date?” Jackson asks.
I take a swig of my beer, trying my best to seem unfazed. I don’t want them to know anything about my relationship with Maya or what I’ve done to create it. If there’s even a tiny possibility she truly doesn’t know she’s fucking me—although how, I have no idea—I don’t want anyone else to know before she does. “She’s still very against dating a patient.”
“Yet you’re grinning like a wolf with a fresh kill,” Luca points out, narrowing his eyes and making me realize I’m not as good an actor as I thought.
My lips twitch as I try to tamp down the smile brought on by the barest mention of my mate. “It’s complicated.”
“Fates,” Luca mutters. “You’re sleeping with her, aren’t you?”
What the fuck? How the hell did he put that together? Luca is loyal to a fault, but he’s never been the most perceptive shifter. Something that nearly led to his rejection by his own fated mate and meant he never picked up on my decline into moon madness.But now he’s reading me like a book, and I don’t fucking like it. Not one bit.
“Watch it. That’s my mate you’re talking about,” I snarl, my wolf close to the surface and already looking for an excuse to leave and get back to Maya.
He raises his hands and tilts his neck ever so slightly to show his submission. Jackson’s eyes dart between us—ever the protector—his eyes glowing golden as his own wolf is ready to jump between us if necessary. “Just threw me for a loop—she won’t date you, but she will—”
“She doesn’t exactly know it’s me,” I cut in before he mentions Maya and sex in the same sentence, and my wolf decides to rip his damn throat out. Goddess, what is wrong with me? I literally fucked Maya in a room with other people in it, but I feel completely different about the pack. She might be an exhibitionist—and a kinky one at that—but I don’t know… it’s just different.
I don’t know if people in her everyday life know about her sexual proclivities. It should be up to her to share what she wants when she’s ready.
Luca and Jackson exchange glances and a silent mindlink that I’m not privy to. “And how is your moon madness?” Luca presses.
I’m so over this conversation. I’m not Alpha currently, but that doesn’t mean I’ve had a personality transplant. I’m still the biggest, baddest fucker here, and my wolf is bristling at being away from Maya. He doesn’t particularly care about dinner with friends or supporting Sofia to lead a run. As far as he’s concerned, she’s more than capable.
