The rescue mission to save the omegas was my last chance to find my fated mate. After years of searching for her, I was out of options until we learned of an organization called the Keepers who were abducting omega wolves and trafficking them. But I don’t feel a pull to any of the females we rescued.
“She’s not here!” I roar at him. My voice interspersed with my wolf’s growl. I was able to hold on to him when the mission was underway and when my sister was in danger. But now that the fight is over and the threat is neutralized, he’s out for blood, furiously clawing to find an outlet for his rage and disappointment.
Jackson bares his neck in submission, but it’s not enough. I don’t want submission. I want to fucking kill someone—anyone. My wolf wants to tearmeapart from the inside out.
I turn on my heel as I surrender the last vestiges of my sanity. I stop fighting. I stop trying to hold back, hoping with the last lingering shreds of my humanity that my wolf will run rather than attack. The constant thrum of agony from my muscles tearing and bones breaking repeatedly eases as the shift takes hold, but the ache in my chest remains.
My wolf turns around to face my friend, and I can only watch on in horror through his eyes, as if it’s a movie I can’t turn off. I have no control over him as he snarls and lunges for Jackson.
My wolf believes everyone here is personally responsible for us not finding our mate. I land heavily on my best friend, pinning him to the forest floor while my lip curls back to expose my teeth. And yet, he stays in human form. What the hell is he doing? Why isn’the fighting back? Doesn’t he realize I can’t stop what’s happening? That I have no control?
“Ryan, you need to shift back,” he grits out. “I’m not against you. I’m your friend. I want to help you find her.” He braces my snapping jaws with his arm underneath them, but it won’t hold me for long. He needs to run, not try to reason with me.
I try to force the shift back to human, but it doesn’t work.Fuck!Fear claws at my throat as the reality of what I’m unable to restrain my wolf from doing dawns on me. I’m completely powerless to stop myself. And nothing will get between my wolf and his prey.
Because my wolf is bigger and stronger than Jackson’s. Even with the three warriors present, they don’t stand a chance against me. I never thought I would resent my strength, but this is horrific. Time moves in slow motion as my wolf bares his teeth, drawing back before going in for the kill. A sharp prick in my flank registers, and my muscles relax instantly. I sway slightly, finally managing to shift back to my human form just as my vision turns black and consciousness slips away.
My head throbs, and my eyes are gritty when I wake. Bile rises in my throat as the motion of the car jostles me around, but I can’t move much… because my hands are tied behind my back, and I can’t seem to break free of my bonds. What the hell is going on?
“Careful, Alpha,” Jackson says from beside me, his voice strained and uneasy. Two warriors are up front in the SUV. “We had to tranq you back there, and we found some cuffs with internal silver in the warehouse. We weren’t sure how you would feel when you woke up.”
He raises an eyebrow, and a hot wave of shame floods through me—a familiar sensation, a gnawing unease I’ve become more than a little accustomed to over the past few months while my control has been slipping. The memory of tonight’s near disaster is still too raw. I could have killed one of my best friends. All because I’m losing my mind, and with it, my control over my wolf.
“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice rough and my words sounding hollow. They’re not enough. How do you even begin to ask for forgiveness when you almost ripped someone’s throat out? For the crime of trying to talk to me. For trying to help me. I don’t deserve friends. They would be better off without me.
“How are you feeling now?”
I’m feeling racked with guilt and shame, but my wolf isn’t there. He’s not pushing me to fight or hunt. I can’t feel him at all. Must be the silver blocking my connection to him.
“I’m fine,” I say. “I’m in control. What happened back there? Is Sofia okay?”
“Yeah, Katie operated on her. Sofia is on her way back to Lunar Eclipse with Luca, but she’ll be okay. Katie and the other omegas went with Caleb to Iron Fang.”
I nod my head before letting it drop forward. We went into this night to rescue Jackson’s sister, and he isn’t even getting a chanceto reconnect with her because he’s babysitting me. The alpha who lost his shit.
He watches me, his gaze sharp and unwavering as he silently catalogues my features—my defeated posture, the bitter expression of a broken man. The air crackles with unspoken questions and a palpable tension as his eyes linger. Then, slowly, his hand moves in a deliberate, measured motion toward the pocket of his sweats. He pulls out a dull key, turns it over in his fingers, then reaches for my cuffs.
“No,” I say, looking out my window, unable to meet his gaze. “Leave them on.”
I can’t trust myself or my wolf anymore. I can’t take the risk that I could hurt someone. I’ve been slipping for nearly two years, ever since my wolf first started pushing me harder to find my mate. With every pack visited where I failed to find her and every passing full moon, his growl in my mind grew louder. His demanding fiercer. His need more insistent.
The threat of moon madness has been my constant shadow.
But this was by far the worst. I had no control. I couldn’t shift back. I couldn’t stop him from lunging at Jackson. All I could do was watch my wolf, feel his rage and fury, and know what his plan was. He was fucking feral.
Tonight was too close. Even worse than when I tried to alpha command my sister to accept her fated mate bond, and that was awful enough. Because tonight I had been bloodthirsty. Not just toward the evil bastards we went to annihilate, but toward my own pack. Toward one of my best friends.
And I can’t ever take that risk again.
It’s time I stopped pretending that I still have a chance. That there’s still time to find my fated mate. That I’ll survive this. It’s too late, and they’ll all be better off without me.
Chapter Two
Ryan
My head feels like it’s going to explode. I’ve spent the past three days rotting in the pack cells. The waiting game of when my life will become forfeit is incredibly tedious. Luca comes in regularly, Jackson too, both pleading with me. I tune them out without responding. My wolf prowls constantly, urging me to escape. To run. To keep searching.
She’s out there. Find her. Make her ours.
