I swap the toy in my pussy for a vibrator and bring the dildo to my lips instead, tasting myself as I lick it clean.
The balaclava-wearing man pushes the woman he is with to her knees, and she takes his cock in her mouth greedily as I shove the dildo into my mouth. My nipples tingle as I maintain eye contact with him.
What would it be like to open the door and invite him to join me? I close my eyes and try to picture myself on my knees for him, swallowing every inch he gives me. But as my eyes track upward in my mind, I don’t see a balaclava-wearing man. No, I see tanned skin and deep brown eyes. Hair that has a slight curl and corded arms that cage me in against the seat in my office as he fucks my throat.
My orgasm erupts from deep inside me, taking me by surprise with both the intensity and the speed at which I got there. Pleasure extends out through my limbs, leaving a floaty, indescribable feeling of rightness in its wake.
And then comes the aftermath.
Fuck, I’m so messed up. I just thought about a patient while I got myself off in front of strangers. Hard to imagine that act alone wouldn’t be enough to get me hauled in front of the ethics committee.
I open my eyes as that thought lands in my stomach, interrupting the afterglow of my release. Eyes gaze back at me, showing various states of want and desire. But all I feel is a deep sense of guilt and shame, like a knot tightening in my gut. I slap my palm over thebutton to obscure the glass, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I don’t want to share my vulnerability with my voyeurs.
Ryan Rivera may have been the one to make a move on me, but he undoubtedly doesn’t understand the power dynamic at play. I’m his therapist, I would always be in a position of authority over him.
So why do I want to reverse that dynamic? Why does the idea of submitting to him light me up unlike anything else? I just came, but I feel myself growing slicker at the thought of him. Would he be demanding like he was in my office? Would he understand my limits? Shame and desire coil in my gut in equal measure. Insecurity builds, and my breathing comes in hard pants.
I want to scream
I am his therapist. I can never go there.
Why do I have to want someone so completely unattainable?
Chapter Twelve
Ryan
After two nights watching Maya disappear into a place I can’t enter and come out smelling like sweetness and sex, my wolf and I are both on edge. Fuck, if she goes back again tonight, I don’t know that I’ll be able to keep him from ripping out the security guy’s throat. She hasn’t smelled like anyone else, which has been the only thing holding me back from completely losing what’s left of my sanity.
I follow Maya as she drives to a house in another suburb on Sunday. Watching from a distance as she lets herself in, my stomach sinks to the floor at the thought of whose home it could be. Why does she seem so familiar here? If she were dating someone, surely I would have seen some hint of him already.
I move closer, sneaking toward the backyard to get a better view.
My wolf snarls under the surface as I prowl along the side of the house, urging me forward. It’s risky during daylight hours, and I have no idea how I’ll explain myself if I’m seen. But my wolf doesn’t care. He’s convinced we would hear someone coming long before they got close enough to identify me.
The thoughts of our mate with someone else has my muscles coiled tightly, and a need to annihilate any potential threat isresolutely present. I have to sink below a hedge when I hear the click of the front door opening.
“You are the best sister in the world,” calls a woman as she climbs into her car, and I recognize them as the person Maya met for lunch earlier in the week. Sister? They look nothing alike; the other woman is red-haired and Caucasian, taller than Maya and curvier. Their scent shares no similar notes as family usually does. And while I’m still not sure what exactly my mate is, her sister is definitely human.
What is going on?
“Please stop thanking me,” comes Maya’s voice. I can’t see her from my position, but even hearing her speak settles my wolf in a way I once worried I wouldn’t feel again. “You know how much I love Maddie. I’m more than happy to spend the day with my favorite girl.”
“Love you!” calls the redhead. Then she’s gone, and the door clicks shut again, leaving me outside and alone. Fates, I can’t wait for my next therapy session. I need to be in her orbit. Until I can convince her to start giving me a chance, that’s the best option I have to try to build a connection with my mate.
Watching her from a distance—only being near her when she sleeps—doesn’t feel like enough anymore. I feel like I’m not learning anything about my mate. Everything about her remains elusive and mysterious. I’ve been following her for days now, and I haven’t uncovered anything I can use yet to get closer to her.
I tune out other noises and adjust my hearing to focus on what’s going on in the house. Maya is reading to the child she is lookingafter, and she alters her voice for the different characters to the child’s delight. Pain blooms in my chest at how much I want us to have that of our own. I want us to have a whole pack of pups.
But that will never happen unless I win her over.
Monday morning brings with it the first sign of things going my way when I get a call for an interview at Sanctum Obscura this evening. The sultry tone of the woman on the other side and the direction not to wear a mask has my head spinning. Why the hell would I wear a mask? What kind of place is Maya spending her Friday and Saturday nights? I still have no idea what the members-only space is, other than the knowledge that Maya leaves smelling like sex and sleeps like the dead when she gets home from there.
When I ask the woman on the call about how best to prepare for the interview, she tells me to ‘just be myself,’ and I hate that shit. I’ve never interviewed for anything in my life, but I want to be prepared for whatever comes up.
Ineedthis to go well.
But even with the nervous energy coursing through me, a flicker of hope takes root for the first time since Maya all but threw me out of her office last week. Even if she doesn’t feel the bond the same way I do, she must feel something. And any opportunity to be in her vicinity will help.
