[Aja]: Did you really think you could keep Willow all to yourself?
[Janae]: I’m all ears!
[Parker]: She was mine first!
[Aja]: Debatable
Okay, children, settle down.
How about dinner and a game night? I’ll cook.
[Janae]: I can’t say no to that. I love me some Jamaican food.
[Aja]: Are you sure you can make enough for the 3 of us plus one big back?
[Parker]: Big back?
Parker sent a photo flexing his muscles in the gym mirror. I have to stop myself from drooling. He looked good, and he knew it too, judging by the smirk he was giving me from across the room.
A conversation with Dr. Beck came to mind.
“I don’t know how to do this again,” I muttered at the screen.
“Remember your list of boundaries? They apply here too. Do you want to take this next step with him?” Dr. Beck’s voice was calm and soothing, as if he were afraid I might try to end the conversation before it got started.
It’s been a while since we discussed intimacy. I never really entertained the conversation because I didn’t have a reason to. Now, I was having these thoughts of being with Parker in a way that I haven’t been with anyone in years. I was terrified.
“Yes, very much so. I jus—” I swallowed before continuing. “What if I have a panic attack?”
“What if you do? If Parker is someone that makes you feel safe, then talk to him the way you’re speaking to me. Discuss your limits and work through them together. Set your own pace, give yourself grace.”
Over the past few weeks, Dr. Beck held up a mirror to my face, and I had to be honest with myself. I was looking for someone to give me permission to let my heart feel these things. My heart was already so far gone; every moment we spent together felt like more. More than just situational convenience. It felt like something that could grow and blossom if I nurtured it like one of Mrs. Woods’ rose bushes in the garden. In the deepest corners of my mind, a voice screamed that this was wrong and I was undeserving.
The constant pinging of my phone brought my attention back to the group chat message that was spiraling out of control already.
[Janae]: Um. Ew. Can you not?
[Aja]: I just threw up my coffee. You owe me a new one!
[Aja]: **Apple Pay request for $10**
[Parker]: Where tf do you buy coffee for $10, Aj?
[Aja]: Big Back and broke? Lo, are you sure you like him?
[Janae]: AJA GRACELAND WOODS
I felt heat creep into my cheeks. I hadn’t said anything to the twins about the new development in mine and Parker’s relationship, and I doubt he had made a formal announcement either. I guess we weren't as subtle as we thought.
So everyone meets at the pool house by 8. Sounds good?
[Aja]: See you there.
[Janae]: Can’t wait!
Laughing to myself, I locked my phone and began gathering my things.
“Let’s head out. We’ll stop at the grocery before we go back to the house to get things for dinner.”
