“You know you aren’t the first person on this planet to trust the wrong person?”
His candor brought a laugh out of me. The reason I stayed with Dr. Beck for so long was because of things like this. He was funny and spoke casually. Every time we spoke, I felt like he really saw me.
“This list you told me about is a step in the right direction. In order to start trusting yourself, you have to go back to the beginning and find out who you are again. You’re still replayingthe script of your abuser, Evelyn. You are worthy of good things. Whatever those things are, whether that be a relationship with Parker or success in your new venture, you deserve to be happy. Discover something new or do something you used to love.”
I let his words soak in. The list that Parker had me make was collecting dust on the bedside table, and I hadn’t given it a second thought since I reconnected with Dr. Beck.
“What happened wasn’t my fault,” I repeated it for my sake more than his. No matter how far I’d come, it was still easy to forget that.
“Add this to your homework as well. I want you to write down your boundaries and think about what you are okay with and not okay with in a new relationship. If you change your mind about Parker, communicate your boundaries with him, enforce them, and make sure there are realistic consequences when those limits are crossed. Take your time.”
We signed off confirming our appointment for next week. I stood from the grass and trudged over to the pool house with William in tow.
“Will, would you mind taking me into town in an hour?” I questioned as I opened the sliding door.
“For sure. Just text me when you’re ready, and I’ll meet you at the gate.
Heading inside, I made my way into the walk-in closet of my bedroom to get dressed for the day. After three weeks of hiding, I was finally going to head into town. Avoiding any alone time with Parker was easier than I thought. Since he’s been busy working with his dad, I’m not sure if he’s even noticed the distance I’ve put between us. Besides texting here and there to check in, we haven’t been alone together for more than five minutes.
If we weren’t left alone together, then he wouldn’t be able to flirt with me. He wouldn’t be able to see the effect he was starting to have on me.
Since Parker was busy assisting their father with business, Aja and Janae designated themselves as the welcoming committee. Every night since we arrived, they visited me at the pool house. We were currently torturing ourselves by rewatching Season 8 ofGrey's Anatomy.
During the day, when I was alone, I journaled. Dr. Beck suggested it when we first started working together, but I couldn’t bring myself to write what happened to me—us—down on paper. I wish I had listened to him sooner. There was something freeing about telling my story to the pages of that notebook. It was a book just for me; a physical symbol of my truth. When I finally decided to explore the estate, I learned that on most days, you could find Mrs. Woods outside caring for her garden. One morning, I found her out there while I was getting familiar with the grounds and commented on how peaceful she looked. The next day, she invited me to join her. I was worried that she would ask questions, but she hasn’t tried to pry any information out of me. When she wasn’t telling me about a specific plant, we worked in silence.
Picking out a yellow sundress from the closet, I placed it on the bed and grabbed my phone, deciding to rip the band-aid off. I had been dragging my feet, avoiding calling Marcie. When the phone rang, and I broke the news, I could hear the disappointment in her voice. She was hoping this would be a temporary leave of absence. Immediately, I wanted to apologize, perhaps think of another solution, but I stopped myself. Quitting Mosaic was the right thing to do.
My knee bounced as the reality of my decision set in. This was the first step towards a dream that I’d forgotten about, puton the back burner because that version of my life seemed so out of reach.
Today I was leaving the estate on my own, after weeks of silence from Charles and Danny’s investigation hitting a standstill.
I didn’t trust the silence, but I knew if I stayed at the estate any longer, I would start to go crazy. All this free time was starting to make me restless. I wasn’t used to lounging around all day with zero direction. The twins had suggested volunteering or getting a part-time job to pass the time. When I returned to New York, I’d be starting over in more ways than one. Earning a little money while I was here couldn’t hurt, I just had to be smart about it.
Getting dressed, I grabbed a small shoulder bag I found in the closet and stuffed my new ID into it. I strolled out of the pool house and down the long driveway to the small booth that housed the security team manning the front gates. I had become familiar with Gerard in the last couple of weeks. He usually walked the perimeter of the property at the same time of day I took my daily walk.
Gerard sat in the booth, tuned in to the surveillance footage playing on the three monitors, showing different angles and locations across the estate. A man I came to know as Leon sat next to him, completing a crossword puzzle while sipping from a steaming mug of coffee.
Gerard’s head turned to meet me as I approached the booth, greeting me with a small smile. The older Black man oozed southern charm. It was hard for me to believe he was really the head of security. He honestly gave off grandpa vibes; since meeting him, I had all but vowed to protect him if anything were to happen here.
“Well, hello there, darlin', what can an old man do for you today?” Gerard said with a southern drawl.
I smiled at the term of endearment and squeezed his arm.
“I decided to go into town today. I’m just waiting for William.”
Gerard’s grin grew. “That’s great, it’s about time you stop moping around here.”
I feigned shock. “Excuse me. I have not been moping.”
“Darlin’, I’ve got three daughters. I know what moping around looks like. They do it often. One of them always has a sour face over some hooligan. Something about ‘the bar being set in hell’”.
I threw my head back and laughed. They weren’t wrong. I’d overheard enough of my colleagues discussing their private lives at the office—the dating pool was actually just a swamp.
“Here’s Willy now, pulling the car up. Do you remember the emergency procedure?”
Just like that, I felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown on me. When William introduced himself, he explained what I should do if something ever happened while we were out. I hated to think about it, but I hung on every word he said.
“Take cover, stay calm, follow his lead,” I repeated from memory.
