Victoria released a breath and took out her phone. Her expression was full of worry as she watched me and held it to her ear.
“Julian, son, sorry to bother you. Wynn is asking to see you.”
I patted her hand and shook my head. “No, him, Ridgeway.”
“Oh,um, he wants to see the detective.”
There was silence, a lot of nodding, and then she said good-bye.
“He said he’s not sure that’s a good idea. Wynn dear, you need to understand something.”
I wanted to roll my eyes, but the pounding headache was preventing that. “What?”
She looked at the women who was with her. “Please excuse us, and close the door.” She did so immediately. “I think so much of the staff know about my son but don’t speak of it. Loyalty is so rare.”
“Victoria, what do I need to understand?”
“Julian is how he is, and no pills or therapy will fix him. We’ve done the best we could. He’s not the first who is like this.”
“The first psychopath in your family?”
She nodded. “It’s strange to call him a killer but a good person. The demons who have latched themselves to my son are many. He’s found a way to coexist with them and lead a fairly normal life. We help, of course, but, Wynn, it’s not a side of himself he wants anyone to see.”
“I have seen it, though.”
When she didn’t seem surprised, it was obvious she’d been told what happened. “And I’m sure he never wanted you to see it, but you’re nothing if not persistent, am I right?”
“I am. Which means I’m going to nag you until you let me go to him.”
“Wynn. My son loves you in the only way he’s capable of loving someone. He doesn’t want you to see that side of him, but he will if you want that. I know you’re mad at Ridgeway, and you deserve justice in your own way. That’s what Julian is doing. But for the first time I don’t think he’s doing it to sate some demon in his soul. He’s doing it for you because he needs to.”
I had strange taste in men. “And me seeing what he’s doing would…what?”
“I don’t know. What I do know is that we can love the monster and not what he does. Can you be that for Julian, love him for who he is and not what he does?”
Could I love him? I closed my eyes, thought of him, and the strongest emotion I’d ever had consumed me.
“I’ve never been in love, Victoria, and I don’t know if what I feel for Julian is love, but it’s pretty damn close, and in time I’m sure my heart will have no room for anyone else because he’s possessed it.”
“Loving anyone in this family is hard, but Julian is the most difficult. I just know that nobody has affected him like you have.” She reached out and took my hand. “Let him do this.”
From an outsider’s perspective, this was probably a weird-as-fuck conversation. Let the man kill for you, it’s all good, it’s how he loves. And past Wynn definitely would have agreed, but Julian was different—he was a killer with a moral compass, kind of. I knew I could help him, but right now I understood what Victoria was saying.
“Okay, I’ll let it go.”
I must have fallen asleep,because when I opened my eyes the next time, it was dark out and I wasn’t alone in bed. My head was resting on a muscled chest, and delicate fingers were running through my hair.
“Julian?”
He froze briefly but continued. “Yeah.”
I tried to lift up to see him, but he gently held me in place. “What’s wrong?”
“Let me just hold you a little longer.”
I rested against him, his heartbeat a calming soundtrack to the moment. “I’m okay, Julian.”
He was silent for a beat. “I want to kill him over and over again. It doesn’t feel like enough.”
