Jessica
For the next two hours, Alan and I talked nonstop as he helped me roll and shape the dough, then get it in the oven. We’d even managed to get a batch frosted before Ruthie woke up hungry.
“Right on schedule,” I said as I moved to the sink to wash my hands before going to feed her.
“I’ll give you some privacy,” he said as he took his apron off and hung it up on one of the hooks. Then he adjusted the baseball cap Lainey had given him and walked toward the swinging doors while I headed toward the office. I heard him call my name and turned around to find him looking at me.
“Do you need anything? A snack? Water? Juice? I’ll have Lainey bring it to you.”
I wanted to hug him for offering.
Okay, maybe more than hug him.
I was already going to hell, so why not?
“Some water would be great, thank you.”
“You got it.” He gave me a wink that made my knees feel weak, and I retreated into the office to nurse Ruthie.
After she was situated at my breast, I decided to forego the earbuds and audio book and play some classical music through my phone. Ever since reading about studies that showed listening to music while breastfeeding could help reduce stress, increase breast milk expression, and calm the baby, I tried to do it at least once a day.
Besides, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to comprehend my audiobook. I was trying to make sense of why Alan was being so nice to me.
The last two hours we’d spent laughing, flirting, and talking. He’d made me feel like I was interesting and worth getting toknow as a person. He’d wanted to know my opinions on various topics.
And it felt weird.
No one had ever asked what I thought about anything.
He’d chuckled softly when I told him that Ruth wasn’t really named for the woman in the bible—although that’s what I’d told everyone. No, I’d chosen her name based on the badass character from the Netflix series,Ozark. No one had known I’d even watched it since obviously that would be frowned upon, but I’d binged it on campus between classes.
I’d never told anyone that, but I’d felt safe sharing it with him.
He didn’t disappoint when he’d exclaimed, “That’s awesome! I freaking love Ruth!”
Although we both agreed that we hoped for a better ending for my Ruth.
I could feel myself getting sleepy; working all day yesterday here, then my chores at home, and taking care of Ruthie had wiped me out. Her 2 a.m. feeding had been rough, and 6 a.m. had come awfully fast.
I must have dozed off, but my eyes flew open when I heard Lainey’s voice calling my name.
“Hey, mama,” she said with a smile when I got my bearings and looked over at her. “Alan said to bring you a snack and some water. And he wanted to know if you were done so he could burp Ruthie.”
“He was serious about that?”
“Apparently so. He reminds me of how Adam was when he first met Conor. He wanted to be involved in everything. I called him the baby whisperer.”
His kindness caught me off-guard. My own family didn’t even help me with her. Although, I think my mother would do more, but my father discouraged it.
I’d made my bed, now I got to lie in it.
I didn’t mind. I loved being a mom. But doing everything alone sometimes took its toll.
I glanced down at Ruthie suckling my breast, then replied, “Maybe fifteen more minutes.”
“I’ll let him know.”
She disappeared out the door, and I took a drink of water and thought about what she’d said about Adam wanting to be involved with her son.
