Me: Why would you jinx me like that?
Adam: Sorry, I take it back. Be safe. Love you, bro.
Me: Love you, too.
I had a lot of regrets as I waited in Seat 2A for my international flight to take off. The most obvious one was I’d lied to Jessica, but the other was that I hadn’t told her that I loved her.
And I did—most ardently—to quote Mr. Darcy in the version ofPride and Prejudiceshe’d made me watch last weekend.
I’d handled this all wrong. I just hoped I made it back to Haven Springs soon so I could try and fix it.
And tell my wife how much I loved her.
Chapter Seventy-Three
Jessica
As I lay on the couch Saturday night, crying because of a sappy movie I was watching—notbecause I missed Alan and was beginning to suspect something nefarious was going on since he hadn’t responded to a single one of my texts, my phone dinged.
Alan: I miss you, babe. I hope you and Ruthie are doing okay. I’ll try to call next week.
Me: I miss you, too! Please come home soon.
He didn’t respond.
The tears that followed were because of allergies.Notbecause I missed him.
I think Ruthie must have missed him, too, because she woke up fussy around two in the morning, and nothing I did seemed to comfort her.
She drank so little of my breast milk that I had to pump in the middle of the night, and the whole time I did, she alternated between crying inconsolably and whimpering.
She finally fell back asleep around six, after refusing to eat anymore, so I crawled into bed and tried to get some rest, too.
I woke with a start and looked at my phone.
Ten-thirty.
Ruthie should have woken up by now—especially with how little she’d eaten in the middle of the night.
As I raced to her room, a million thoughts ran through my head.
Had I slept through her cries?
Ever since she’d come home from the hospital, I’d been a light sleeper. The only exception was my wedding night when I’d had champagne, but I also had been relaxed because I knew Alan would take care of her. Since he’d been gone, it felt like I’dawaken at the slightest noise, so I didn’t think she’d woken up and I hadn’t noticed.
Had the baby monitor somehow shut off?
I didn’t see how that was possible.
She was covered in sweat when I reached her crib, and when I felt her head, she was burning up.
I scooped her up, and without even bothering to change out of my pajamas, I slipped into my sandals by the garage door and drove straight to the emergency room.
I even left my purse at home. The only thing I had was my phone because I’d stuck it in the pocket of my pjs when I jumped out of bed.
Fortunately, the admitting clerk knew me from elementary school. “Just bring your ID and insurance card later.”
Shit. Did I even have insurance anymore?
