“Hey, angel.” I buried my face in Bryn’s neck, inhaling her warm, amber scent. “God. I missed you.”
As soon as the team plane had landed, I’d sped over to Bryn’s house. I’d been gone for three days, but it could’ve been three years for how long it felt. Texting and talking on the phone had helped, but I hated being away from Bryn.
I’d barely gotten through the door, and then she was there, jumping into my arms, kissing me. I’d laughed and held her tight, my bag still slung over my shoulder as we devoured each other, rediscovering each other until I cast my duffel aside.
She slid down my front, my cock jerking to attention at the feel of her in those damn yoga pants. She’d been taking dance classes again, and I loved watching her grow stronger each week. But all I wanted to do right now was hold her. Her arms were wrapped around me, her cheek pressed to my chest.
“I missed you too,” she sighed. “So much.”
I didn’t want to let her go, but the dogs were pawing at my legs, begging for my attention. I cupped Bryn’s cheeks and gave her a quick peck before brushing her hair away from her face. And then I paused. Frowned.
Now that I’d taken a closer look at Bryn, she seemed exhausted. When we’d talked last night, she’d seemed fine. Same thing the night before. But the dark circles beneath her eyes spoke to a string of sleepless nights. I guided her over to the couch, pulling her into my lap.
“You look tired. Are you feeling okay?”
“I didn’t sleep well last night. I’ll be fine,” she said, but she didn’t sound convinced. I definitely wasn’t.
“Talk to me, Bryn,” I said in a gentle tone. When she tried to get up, I caged her in my arms. “Angel, please. Tell me what’s going on.”
She was silent for a moment, then she said, “Being away from you was harder than I expected.”
“It sucked.” I’d totally underestimated just how difficult it was for the guys on the team to be apart from their significant others.
“And I’m scared,” she whispered. When she met my gaze, it was with tears in her eyes. The effect was devastating.Shewas devastating. “I’m terrified because I’m so happy.” She choked on a sob. “I’m so happy with you, and I’m scared of losing you.”
I cupped her cheek, drying her tear with my thumb. “Bryn.”
I didn’t know what else to say. Her fears were understandable, considering what she’d been through. And I wasn’t willing to make a promise I couldn’t keep. Because none of us could guarantee that we’d be here tomorrow.
But I also couldn’t sit back and do nothing. I held her, trying to comfort her while brainstorming possible solutions. I’d tried to check in regularly during the trip. I’d shared my location with her on my phone. But I knew that no matter what I did, that fear might never go away, not completely.
“I’m glad you told me,” I said.
“I didn’t want to.” She tugged at the corners of her eyes.
I pulled back to look at her. “Why?”
“Because I don’t want you to be distracted this season. And we have so little time together lately, and I don’t want to spend it on…this.” She frowned.
“Angel.” I held her chin. “I’m just happy to be with you. I don’teverwant you to feel like you have to hold back or hide what you’re feeling. Not with me.”
“I know.” A tear slipped out, tracing its way down her cheek before I caught it with my thumb. “It just…” She sucked in a jagged breath. “I just want to be happy and live life. I was making such good progress. I was doing so well.”
I nodded, understanding her frustration. Her disappointment. I brushed her hair away from her face, wishing I could take away her pain. “Have you talked to your therapist about it?”
“Yeah. And she reminded me that grief and healing are nonlinear. We worked on some coping strategies to calm my anxiety when you have to travel.”
“That’s good,” I said. “I’m glad you reached out for support.”
I wasn’t surprised that Bryn had felt triggered by my trip. I’d tried to check in when I could, but perhaps I’d underestimated how difficult this would be for her. I hated it for her. Hated that every time we were apart for a night, she worried that something would happen to me, like it had happened to Derek.
“Is there something I can do to make it easier on you?” I asked, knowing this would continue to be an issue.
The team was on the road a lot. We had forty-one away games during the regular season, and we were usually gone more than one night. But even if I didn’t have a job that involved travel, this fear would probably always be there, given what she’d experienced. Hopefully, with time, it would get easier for Bryn.
For now, I would do whatever it took to help her through this. Flying her to every away game wasn’t feasible with her job, not tomention the dogs, her garden, and her dance classes. But maybe she could come to some of the out-of-town games.
“Come to my next away game,” I said. “Come watch us play in Seattle.”
