When she turned back to me, her gaze was clear. And I could see in her face and her features that she was more relaxed than she’d been even a few days ago. It settled something inside me.
I placed my hand over hers, and I couldn’t help but smile a little. “I’m glad.”
“I also had a short call with my therapist, and I wrote a letter to Derek.” She smiled, and I realized that was what the paper under the tablet must be. “You were right. He would never blame me for what happened. And voicing it aloud to you helped me realize that. I was clinging to a need for answers, when there are none. And although I can wish things had happened differently, I also can’t change them.”
I nodded. “I think that’s the hardest part. Finding acceptance.”
“Sometimes, it’s still hard to accept that he’s gone. But I know there’s nothing I could’ve done. Deep down, I’ve always known that. And I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling guilty for something I had no control over.”
I was so damn proud of her. I knew that hadn’t been easy, just as I knew she would continue to struggle with grief. But the fact that she could release herself from the unnecessary burden she’d placed on herself was huge.
“I would hug you,” I said, sensing she could use some comfort. I knew I could. “But I’m pretty sweaty from my workout.”
She laughed. “You really think a little sweat will deter me?”
“Okay.” I held open my arms. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
She stood and stepped into my embrace, and I wrapped my arms around her. “Bryn, you are one of the strongest people I know.”
She peered up at me. “Because I can handle one of your sweaty, post-workout hugs?” she teased.
I chuckled, releasing her. “Absolutely. Now, what’s on tap for today?”
“Depends on what you’re in the mood for. I know we’d talked about going on the snorkeling excursion, but if you don’t want to do that, there’s always volleyball and lounging on the beach. Or if you want to get a massage or just need some time to yourself until the rehearsal dinner tonight, I get it. This trip has been…a lot.” She dipped her head.
“What do you want to do?” I asked because I wanted—no,needed—to be where she was.
“Since you’re stuck going with me to the rehearsal dinner tonight…” She batted her eyes. “I figured I’d let you pick.”
I knew she’d been looking forward to snorkeling, and so had I. After growing up in Canada and then spending most of my adult life on the East Coast, I hadn’t spent much time around the ocean. And LA wasn’t really known for its snorkeling.
“Do you feel up to snorkeling?” I asked.
If she was, I figured it might be a good way to reset after last night. Get us both more present in our bodies and out of our heads. Plus, if my body was engaged, maybe I’d be less likely to do something stupid—like try to kiss her again. Because as much as I wanted to kiss her, last night’s conversation hadmerely confirmed what I already knew—Bryn wasn’t ready to date. What she really needed was a friend.
She nodded. “Yeah. I think as long as I stay hydrated today, I should be fine.”
“Then my vote is for snorkeling,” I said.
“Great!” She popped up from the chair. “I’ll let my sister know we’re coming. I think the van leaves in a little less than an hour. Will that be enough time for you to eat and get changed?”
I chuckled. “I should hope so. Just how long do you think my self-care routine is?”
She twisted the belt of her robe, a beautiful pink tinge coating her cheeks and neck. “I suppose it depends on what kind of self-care we’re talking about.”
I leaned in. “You tell me. You’re the expert.”
I’d told myself she needed a friend, and yet here I was flirting. But she’d opened the door. Who was I to close it?
“Oh, I’m not so sure about that.” She laughed. “My efforts at self-care lately have been…hit or miss.”
Wait. Was she talking about pleasuring herself? Or was she merely admitting that she wasn’t as consistent with her skin-care routine as she’d like to be?
I was still pondering that when she said, “Go shower. We can eat when you’re finished. I already ordered room service, and it should be here as soon as you’re out of the shower. I hope that’s okay.”
“That’s great,” I said, appreciating her foresight and thoughtfulness. “Thanks.”
I trusted Bryn to know what I would like, and I wasn’t wrong. By the time I was out of the shower and dressed, breakfast was on the table. I dug into the food with gusto.
