But another part of me freaked out at the idea of sleeping with someone who wasn’t Derek. He’d been my first. My only. And I was scared to take that next step, though I knew without a doubt that I could trust Frasier.
“Really?” Allie was clearly skeptical. I didn’t blame her, but I couldn’t go back on it now. And it was true—at least, in part.
While the idea of pursuing something physical with him was undeniably appealing. I was also scared to ruin our friendship. I couldn’t risk losing him.
In the end, none of it really mattered because we were just friends who were pretending to date.
“Yes, really,” I said.
“What do you want, Bryn?” Allie asked.
What didIwant?
It was something I’d often asked myself in the past year and a half. For a while, I’d been so focused on the past, on everything I’d lost. But now, I found myself wanting to focus on the future, even if it was difficult to imagine one without Derek.
Before I could answer, my name was called, saving me from a response. I popped up from my seat, grinning at Allie as she narrowed her eyes playfully at me.
All thoughts and fears melted away along with my stress as the massage therapist eased the tension from my muscles. The conversation with Allie had definitely helped.
By the time the massage was over, I practically floated down the boardwalk to the bungalow. My mind was clear; my body was relaxed. I wasn’t thinking about the past or the future. I was living in the now.
I had a few hours to chill before we needed to be at the combined bachelor/bachelorette party. Since it was a small guest list, Allie and Kit had invited everyone to bring their spouses or dates, even if they weren’t a member of the wedding party.
I opened the door to the bungalow and called out, “Honey, I’m—”Oh.I cringed, stopping myself before uttering, “Home.”
Frasier was sprawled on the bed, facedown. The sheets rested low on his waist. Sunlight filtered in through the French doors, the shadows of palm leaves rippling across his golden skin.
My mouth went dry at the sight of him. Of those strong shoulders and that muscular back. Of all that power and strength and control.
Not wanting to wake him, I tiptoed to my suitcase. I grabbed my swimsuit and changed in the bathroom before heading out to the plunge pool, book in hand. The spa was nice, but I much preferred to be outside. And I could use some alone time to recharge before tonight’s festivities.
I sank into the water, double-checking that my hands were dry before picking up my book. Even though the story was captivating, I kept rereading the same words. My mind was preoccupied, and my thoughts kept drifting to the man inside asleep on the bed.
Eventually, I gave up, resting my arms on the deck to stare out at the ocean. My gaze caught on my tattoo, and I smiled. I wondered, as I often did, what Derek would think. About the tattoo. About life. About everything.
I knew he’d always want me to be happy. If the roles had been reversed, that’s what I’d want for him. I’d hope that he’d honor my memory, of course. But I’d also want him to find happiness, love.
Even with your best friend?
I glanced down at my left hand.I’d stopped wearing my rings months ago. I’d loved them—the design, everything they had represented. But I’d grown to hate the inevitable questions. The pity.
Now they sat in a drawer at home, unworn. No longer a visible daily reminder of loss. A relic of a life once lived.
My tattoo was different. It was as if I were carrying a piece of him with me always.
I loved Derek, and I always would. But I was young, and I, hopefully, had a lot of life left to live. If his death had taught me anything, it was to cherish your loved ones and live life to the fullest. Because you never knew how much time you had.
CHAPTER NINE
“Frasier?” Bryn said, her hand on my shoulder. “Frasier.”
“Mm?” Her hand was on my skin, and I briefly wondered if I was still dreaming.
“Sorry to wake you,” she said in a soft voice. “But the party bus is leaving in thirty minutes. I figured you might want some time to get ready before we have to head out.”
I blinked my eyes open, my face pressed against a pillow. “Thanks.” My voice was gravelly from sleep. I pushed away the pillow and sat up, scrubbing a hand over my face.
When I glanced at Bryn again, I realized she hadn’t moved. “You…” She gaped at me. “Bear…you shaved.” Her eyes darted over my face.
