The effect of her words was immediate. He did not look away from her. If anything, the intensity of his gaze deepened, the restraint he held so carefully in place tested in a way that was neither unwelcome nor easily dismissed.
“You mistake me,” he said quietly. “There was nothing in that which I did not share. To give you pleasure—” he paused then, asthough the weight of the admission required no embellishment, “—was the greatest gift I have ever received.”
Something within her stilled at that, not in hesitation, but in recognition. The space between them seemed to narrow without either of them consciously moving, drawn together by something that no longer required explanation or permission.
“And yet,” he continued, though his voice had lowered, taking on a more deliberate cadence, “there are matters that must be addressed before I allow myself to be governed entirely by such inclinations.”
He drew back then, not far, but enough to reach into the inner pocket of his coat, his movements measured, purposeful. When his hand emerged, it held a small object, the significance of which was not diminished by the simplicity of its presentation.
“This is but a token,” he said, his gaze never leaving hers. “There is nothing I might place in your hand that could ever fully represent the depth of what I feel for you, nor the extent of my desire to make you mine. But it is what I have to offer in this moment, and I would not delay in giving it to you.”
He moved then, lowering himself to one knee before her with a certainty that admitted no hesitation, no retreat into the caution that had once governed him. Whatever he had been before, whatever restraint had cost him in years past, it no longer held dominion over him now.
“I will not speak around this,” he said, his voice steady, though there was a quiet intensity in it that spoke to the weight of what he offered. “Nor will I delay it further by pretending caution when it was caution that cost me more than I am willing to surrender again. Those are years we cannot reclaim and I am not inclined to give up more. I have loved you from the moment I first met you. I told myself then that restraint was the proper course, that you deserved time, that you deserved choiceunburdened by anything I might impose, and in doing so I lost what I ought to have claimed. I will not repeat that error.”
The ring rested in his hand, its pale golden stone catching even the dim light, reflecting it back with a quiet brilliance that seemed almost too fitting to be accidental.
“I do not offer you uncertainty, nor do I offer you half-measures,” he continued. “This is not a promise of a proposal nor the sealing of an understanding of intent. It is a proposal of marriage, as soon as such a thing can be reasonably arranged… I offer you myself, entirely and without reservation, with the knowledge that whatever affection I possess for you now will not diminish, but will expand every day that follows. I will love you more tomorrow than I do today, and more still the day after. For so long as I am permitted the privilege of doing so.”
He did not look away from her as he spoke, nor did he soften the truth of what he offered with anything less than complete sincerity.
“Will you marry me, Caroline?”
There was no hesitation in her answer.
“Yes,” she said, the word steady, certain, carrying within it the full weight of all that had come before and all that would follow. “Yes, I will. Tomorrow. And the day after and the day after. I’d walk all the way to Gretna Green if I had to.”
Only then did she move, her hand lifting to him, not to draw him up at once, but to close around his as though she might anchor the moment before it could pass too quickly to be fully realized.
“I was so blind,” she said, her voice softer now, though no less certain. “Not in coming to you, nor in what has passed between us, but in all that came before. I trusted where I should not have. I mistook habit for affection, and in doing so, I allowed years to pass that might have been otherwise spent. I am sorryfor that, not for myself alone, but for you, that I did not see sooner what should have been plain to me.”
Her gaze did not waver as she spoke, nor did she attempt to lessen the admission by softening it with anything less than the truth.
“I cannot alter what has already been,” she continued, “but I will not allow myself to remain blind to what stands before me now. If there is a path to be taken, then I would take it with you, and without further delay.”
He rose then, the movement swift now that the question had been answered, his hand closing more firmly around hers before releasing it only to place the ring upon her finger, adjusting it with care until it rested where it belonged. For a moment, neither of them spoke, the significance of what had passed settling between them in a silence that was no longer uncertain, but complete.
When he drew her to him once more, there was nothing tentative in the motion, yet neither was there the unchecked urgency that had marked their earlier embrace. It was something steadier now, something that spoke not only of desire, but of certainty, of a claim made openly and without reservation.
And when his mouth found hers again, it was not with restraint, but with the full knowledge of what now lay between them, no longer unspoken, no longer uncertain, but irrevocably, undeniably theirs.
She drew back. “Last night, you showed me pleasure. And tonight, you have proclaimed that there is more pleasure to be had in the giving of it… Show me that as well, Julien. Show me how to bring you that same sort of ecstasy.”
“You’re certain?”
She smiled at him. “I am more than certain. I would offer you anything… I do not feel the need to wait for marriage, thoughI think you do. I think you feel taking more would somehow dishonor me… how could it be a dishonor when your touch makes me feel cherished? Worshipped even. Let me do the same for you.”
Chapter
Seventeen
Julien pulled away from her and crossed back to the door. Not to exit. Instead, he turned the key in the lock, effectively shutting out everything but the two of them. Then he turned back to her. “It would take a stronger man than I am to refuse you.”
Caroline reached for the tie of her wrapper and slipped it free, this time shrugging out of the garment entirely and letting it fall to the floor. The gown she wore was a finely embroidered lawn, pale and nearly sheer. It concealed far less than it revealed, providing only a gauzy veil between his gaze and her flesh—flesh that responded instantly to his roaming, heated study of her.
When he closed the distance between them, Caroline slid her hands over the silk brocade of his waistcoat, beneath the fabric of his well-tailored coat and then pushed it from his shoulders, until she could remove it from him entirely. Then she returned her attention to the engraved buttons of his waistcoat, freeing them one by one.
Feeling the firmness of his flesh, the heat of him through the linen of his shirt was a revelation to her. As was her response to those sensations. So much was still unknown to her, but not desire. He’d introduced her to that the night before and sheunderstood that her current breathlessness had little to do with nervousness and everything to do with anticipation.
